The Adventures Of An Aromantic Asshole (In A Shockingly Cliché World)

Chapter 4 | I Puked On My Way To Heaven

Angel Cliché

"Yo. Get up."

From far away I heard a voice. It called out to me.

"Hey. Heeeey! Get your ass up, we're late!"

Such a calm and comforting voice. It must be the voice of an angel.

"I refuse to carry you. GET UP."

I slowly opened my eyes.

Holy shit the dude actually has angel wings.

"WHAT." I said staring at the unfamiliar guy standing above me. He had blonde curls and wore a white button-up blouse. He also had wings.

They fluttered.

"Good. Now let's go." He said and turned around. I scattered to my feet looking around. There was a teenaged-shaped hole in the floorboards.

"Am I dead?"

Angel boy responded, "Jep."

"Did I die from falling down the stairs?"

"Hit your head pretty bad," He answered, "Broke your neck."

"Death from stairs."

"Jep."

"That fucking sucks dude."

He chuckled. Then he waved at me to follow, and so I did - out the old building and away from the parking lot. I stared at his wings as they bounced with each step.

Shouldn't I be freaking out more about this?

"So, what are you?" I asked casually.

"Well, your guardian, I guess." He answered.

"You are... my guardian angel?"

"Mm-hm."

"So you've been like," I paused, "Looking after me?"

"Yeah, pretty much."

"You gotta hate your job."

He stopped suddenly. "Okay, let's do this."

Uneasiness filled me. I looked around but there was only a couple of cars parked around.

"Do wh-WHAT, WHOA!!"

I roared gracefully as the ground suddenly disappeared under my feet and we both elevated into the sky. The wind howled past my ears and my eyes watered. I felt like my body and head was spinning two different ways. Needless to say, it was like being on a rollercoaster while on LSD. While the rollercoaster was also on LSD.

I have no idea how long we were flying. All I know is that as soon as my feet hit somewhat solid ground, my breakfast was displayed in 3D.

Gasping, I tried to control my stomach.

I heard angel-boy mutter, "Gross."

"Rude." I muttered back and got up. And holy shit my jaw nearly hit my breakfast. We were standing in some kind of gigantic casino, with marble white walls and floor. Enormous chandeliers hang from the ceiling, high, high, high up. I think there were even clouds forming at the top. Around us were pool boards, gambling stands, card games, straight up limousines driving around - I counted seven pools in this room alone.

All different types of people were scattered around the place. I saw Frank Sinatra and John Lennon having a rap-off,

"Damn," Was all I could say.