Hold Me In Your Everlasting Arms

Part 13: Why Does It Always Feel Like I'm Missing Something?

I flicked my eyes up to show her that I was done.

She started laughing at me and her baggy clothes seemed to consume her.

She tried to stop laughing but couldn't completely, letting out a giggle here and there.

"Okay Lux, its your turn now."

She rolled her eyes and licked her lips. I could tell she was looking up, thinking about her next move, even in the dim light of our makeshift fort. It began to feel like we were kids agai-

"Never have I ever spit gum/food into a boy's mouth while making out with him." I tried to hold back my embarrassment, "IM CALLING STUPID SHIT." I yelled almost knocking over the whiskey bottle. She steadied it yelling back, "YOU CAN'T DO THAT WHEN WE ARE PLAYING 8TH GRADE RULES."

I looked down at my shot glass and before I finished blinking it was full. Lux shook her head, "Can't call stupid shit when we're playing 8th grade rules."

I sighed drinking my 4th one which went down as easy as a stream, but it landed like a rock hitting my gut. I shuddered and tried to remember the rules.

We started this when we were in 8th grade. If one of us was going through a hard time someone else would skip school with them. We'd sit and watch movies, or play never have I ever, or after Blake's cousin died last year we played a city wide hide and go seek game.

Anyway, the 8th grade rules had no boundaries. You could say whatever, you have 2 passes and after each pass you had to tell a seceret, and after 4 shots you had to give the name of the boy you liked.

Its called 8th grade rules for a reason.

Our general rules are that you can't victimize, you have 3 passes, if you take two in a row its your turn to go and if you take more than 7 you are done till 11 (pm).

If somebody broke the victimize rule then its deemed stupid shit and an automatic pass is given with no consequences.

I didn't tell them exactly why I needed this day, which is why I think Lux volunteered. She's the nosiest, not that I was bothered by it. Its just who she is.

"Fuck you." I sucked in some air feeling my eyelids become heavy.

"Never have have have I DREAMT EVER ABOUT SLEEPING WITH MR.KOENIG." She drained hers shamelessly after shouting out. I mumbled, "pass" she smiled jokingly but it still got to me. "Hmm what was that lightweight? hmmmmmmmm?" she swayed her pointer finger at me in a circular motion.

"I need ssssome water I think." I said standing up, less interested in playing, and I knew I was supposed to say the boy I liked.

Lux waved her arms in the air, "FINALLY I SHOT THROUGH HER BULLETPROOF VEST." I tried to wobble to the kitchen but I ended up back on the floor of the fort.

She gripped my shoulders and I looked at me honestly, "Maude you can tell me." I felt my lips move without thinking, "I think I love Mr- um, Ezra Koenig.

She rolled over laughing and I didn't understand. When she saw that I was confused she started laughing again.

"You called a skip day because  you have a crush on on Ezra?" She said his name like she was disgusted and I couldn't figure out what she was doing, I thought she just said she'd sleep with him.

"Lux, you're cooooonfusing me." She rolled over laughing again, "Donn't dont dont dont be confused its nothing reallllllllly I just think that its funny that's all." her drunken hands ran onto my face. "Maude honey, lets let us we should let let just pretend this day didn't DID NOT happen. Ill get you some water and you can think about what's good for you." She got up shaking and I grabbed her leg. "Look Lux, this weekend has been me playing games, and being played and I didn't call you here for your judgment. What do you know." I spat and started crying her eyes widened and she said,

"Maude? Let me get us some water and you can tell me what's on your mind." She looked concerned but I couldn't focus on her face. I felt the room turning right then left.

I'm so sick of people thinking they can treat me like this. Its like everyone's trying to protect me by ruining me.