Hold Me In Your Everlasting Arms

Just Please Stay

The Friday mid afternoon air tasted particularly bitter as I quickened my pace down vacant streets. The acidic smell trickled through my nose right before it began to rain.

I pulled the hood of my sweatshirt up as I started a slow jog. A familiar car drove past me up the block and pulled into a drive way. It was a small blue car, that ive seen a lot more of recently.

I stopped in my tracks and saw Ezra get out from his car and run into his house through the now heavy rain.

I watched him get in muttering curse words to myself. I could turn around, pretend I never saw him, order another coffee and sit alone. I could run to my dads and face my problem head on talk to him, sit with him.

But noooo, my legs took me to the nearest refuge and I stood in front of his house. "Stupid boys and their stupid timing and their stupid comfort." I knocked on the door. No answer

Well I tried and this is a sign, I turned to leave when I heard the door open.

"Maude?" Nope sorry not me I should really see my dad right now what am I doing here?

I turned around and knew exactly what I was doing there. His eyes had comfort clusters ready to cushion me. "Ezra, I just really need to be with you right now." He looked skeptically, but quickly gestured inside. I walked in and put my hood down.

"Maude do you want to ta-", I cut him off rather than answering. I didn't want to talk, I just wanted to be with him. "Could we watch a movie?" I said maybe a little too excitedly.

He looked at me with raised eyebrows, and I began taking my shoes off. I rushed a little jumpy hoping that my excited mood would distract me more than him.

It didn't work for either.

"I'm going to call a pizza, my movies are over there" He said gesturing to his living room. I tripped over an awkward step up and heard him laugh from the phone in the other room. "Oh and watch your step." I smiled walking casually into the room.

It was surprisingly comfortable. I noticed a green futon facing a wall that held a years and years worth of movies and books.

I saw a bunch of movies that looked unfamiliar, then again I dont even like movies, and gripped the one with the creepiest cover.

It was called, "The Sound of My Voice"

Seemed decent, I wasn't looking for a light comedy or a depressing though provoking film. Just something that I could stare at for a little while.

I heard the click of the phone and turned around as Ezra approached the room. He looked at me and cocked his head, "You know you shouldn't be here." He started smiling and shaking his head at himself, "Well you shouldn't have let me in." I said walking over to him and handing him my choice.

"Is there something on your mi-", I sighed loudly pretending not to hear him, "Did you get pepperoni on the pizza?" He seemed to get the hint. "No, why?"

There was no specific reason why I asked, it was just a placeholder.

"Well no reason, but what's up with this creepy movie?" I said gesturing towards the cover. He smirked,

"My friend Rostam's brother directed it, its a cult movie"

"Hmm, okay I accept."

***********

I bit into the greasy pizza as the movie reached the most suspenseful parts.

I nearly choked on it which cause both of us to laugh. I moved closer into him and felt is hand move from my neck to my waist. It felt good to be happy, but I promised myself I'd see my dad tomorrow, and maybe even tell him about this.

I rearranged my legs to sit "Indian style", and felt a sudden bird of anxiety as I was supposed to be home a half hour ago.

My body tensed the way it does at that point of almost falling asleep, but remembering something stupid you did 5 years ago.

I tried to subdue the spasm by coolly pulling my phone from my butt pocket. I saw one unopened message from my mom and a sprawl of relief, "At Dads" was all I said, as Ezra was looking over me.

The movie ended about 10 minutes later and I felt his hand brush under my butt in attempt to move it.

He reached next to him and turned the table light on. Then he looked at me and without thinking I blurted,

"My dad has cancer."

Although he didn't seem taken back, he still shifted uncomfortably enough for my to realize what I just said

"Im sorry, I found out a few days ago, I was going to go over there but I couldn't I just couldn't and then I saw you pulling into your driveway and I came here instead and all of these emotions are over taking and I. .  I feel comfortable with you the way we are right now, I just need someone to be with  I-"

"Do you want to stay the night?"

"Ezr-"

"Not like that" he said quickly," I could stretch out the futon, we could set it up just like a bed."

This is what it was with him, the sense of knowing but not quite assured that he did.

"I just don't know if I can go home right now"

"I know"

"I dont mean to impose. ."

"You aren't"

"Are you sure. . "

"Its just on the couch."

"okay"

"Okay."

He gripped my hands in reassurance and I sent another message to my mom, "Staying at dads tonight, see you tomorrow"

I imagined myself there, well not exactly there, we'd probably be out to dinner or something..

I watched Ezra leave the room to go get a tshirt for me to sleep in and some bedding.

************

We talked endlessly about my dad, he confessed that the argument him and my dad got into was about cancer.

My dad had known, and been getting better when Ezra met him. Ezra friend to encourage my dad to tell me and Emma but he refused. He was getting better until, Ezra told me, that party I went to at Sidney's where he got drunk and confided in Ezra. Apperantly when I was in the bathroom he confessed his relapse.

I didn't feel betrayal that I thought I was meant to feel, rather I felt a sense of unity. Ezra understood what I was going through because he was going through it with me.

After the clock on my phone read 2:30am, Ezra rose to go to bed in his room.

"Goodnight Maude," He said leaning in towards me, I would have kissed him but he backed away shyly, "Sleep well." Was his last comment before he rose.

I was alone on the couch for about 23 minutes before I realized that the air of security had left with him. It took about 23 more minutes to talk myself into entering his room.

I tiptoed in like a child would their parents room after a nightmare and saw him in his king sized bed. Ionce again questioned my sanity as I lowered under the covers immediately feeling relief.

"I thought you'd never come in" I heard a murmer from next to me, "I almost went out there" I could see him smirking even in the dark.

We just laid there, him on one side, me on the other just enjoying each others warmth and silence.