The Light of Heaven

Chapter 1

As soon as I heard the footsteps I knew Sophie had told Jace, probably the way only Sophie could tell it. Jace came walking in wheezy, even though he was as fast as a deer. It was just the excitement what made Jace seem tired, but as she could notice from the smile on his face it was worth it.

“Sophie told me,” he said, trying not to grin. “After she almost killed me by telling me there was something wrong with you.” Clary could not help but smile.

“It’s a boy,” she said, and again, the only thing she could do was smiling at Jace and the boy crawled up in her arms. “In case Sophie told you it’s a girl.”

“Welcome to the Calton Hill Institute, Shawn,” Jace said seriously, as if the baby boy Jace just called Shawn was someone he had invited to come over.

“Shawn?” Clary laughed. “When did we decide on that name?” It was meant as a joke, and she knew Jace would see that too. To her, and as Jace already showed to him as well, Shawn was a perfect name, for the newborn baby.

“We didn’t,” Jace said, and again he sounded serious. However, Clary knew he wasn’t being serious, as the one talking was Jace. “But I know you love it as much as you love me.”

“I guess I’m supposed to,” Clary grinned, as she looked at Shawn. It was a beautiful baby, she had to admit, even though all mothers say their babies are beautiful. When she looked at Shawn, she could see Jace was his father: they were both too beautiful to be true. Maybe she was even glad he looked more like Jace, as Jace was prettier than she was. Their two-year-old daughter Imogen looked more like Clary, but her hair wasn’t as red as Clary’s hair. It was a combination of red and gold, and according to Clary it was the most beautiful colour she had ever seen. It reminded her of Jocelyn, who also had had a special hair colour. It was darker than Clary’s hair was, but more special, and even if Imogen didn’t really look like Jocelyn, she had always reminded her of Jocelyn. At first, Clary had liked this, but now, it felt like a knife was put into her heart every time she looked at Imogen.

“Jocelyn had loved you, if she was only there,” Clary whispered more to herself than to Jace or Shawn.

“It isn’t your fault, Clary,” Jace said fiercely. “It has never been your fault, and it will never be. No one blames you.”

“But I do, Jace, I do,” Clary said, whilst she blinked away a tear. “I do, because it is my fault.”

“Not again Clary, please, don’t. It isn’t your fault, why would it be?” It wasn’t a question, even though Jace asked.

“She wanted to protect me.”

“So do I.”

“But you don’t die for me!”

“If I had to, I would.”

“Then why didn’t you!” Clary began to scream, even though she didn’t want to. She knew she couldn’t blame Jace, but it felt better to blame him than her.

“Is that what you really wanted, Clary?” was the only thing Jace asked coldly before he left the room. Tears fell down Clary’s cheek. It was her fault Jocelyn had died, and now Jace was mad at her, which was her own fault too. Sometimes she wondered why Jace hadn’t left her yet. She hated the thoughts of him leaving her, but couldn’t help thinking about her.

“Jace,” she whispered, knowing he wouldn’t hear her. “Please don’t leave me.”

“I won’t,” she heard in reply, without knowing if she had imagined the voice or if Jace really had spoken.