The Accident (One Direction Fanfic)

Chapter 30: Haunting Memories

Being in this world without a purpose had left her defeated and broken, if only she knew how strong she really was. How courageous she had been for making it this far. But she doesn’t know; she doesn’t know how her eyes can tell a story that her lips will never say. She doesn’t know that we can see her story, read it like the open pages of a book. The story of a beautiful girl, broken, but pushing forward, determined to make it to the end.

(NORA’S POV) 

Every tear that fell that day was like a memory, a memory of my time with Xavier that was finally being washed away, let go after all this time. Louis walked me out to the car and after that it was silence. The boys tiptoed around me and no one spoke as I went into my room and shut the door. I felt hollow after listening to all his family and friends talk about him. Xavier had been such a huge part of my life and it was then that I realized I was only a small chapter of his. The curtains were drawn closed in my room, leaving me to lie in the darkness and stain my pillows with mascara tainted tears.

I was trapped in a sleep like state between dreams and reality and I still have no idea how long I was left there, it could have been hours or days but to me it didn’t make any difference. The boys came in occasionally and tried to get me to eat and I nearly refused until I remembered the small heart beating along side mine. They would bring me enough food and water to keep me going but I was weak with grief and no amount of comfort or food could ever make that feeling go away.

I woke up on the second morning to a warm body pressed against mine, my head was resting lightly on their shoulder and his arm was holding me close. I turned over in my bed, wondering which boy had decided to stay with me that night but my stomach churned uncomfortably as I saw that it was Liam whose sleeping figure lay beside me. We had never fully resolved our problems and the vulnerable way I had depended on him when I first got the letter made me feel ashamed for letting myself let my guard down like that. I slowly slipped out of bed and shivered involuntarily as the harsh cold morning hit me. I wanted nothing more than to curl up next to him again, but I didn’t. I was stronger now and I pushed open the door as quietly as I could, not wanting to wake him or any of the other boys who were sleeping in the unusually crowded apartment.

The importance of today began to creep up on me as I turned on the coffee maker and saw it marked on the calendar that was magnetically pinned to the fridge. In Louis’ careless scrawl three words had been printed across the day February 13th and as I read those three words my heart rate picked up and I had to tear my eyes away from them to stop myself from panicking. ‘First Court Day’ was all it said and to anyone else it would seem harmless. To me however it unearthed haunting memories of Marcus J Studdard and the way his cruel eyes would stare through me, making me feel weak and susceptible to his malicious ways. Lost in my memories I was startled by Harry’s voice as he stumbled in to the room, his messy curls falling around his face as he brushed the sleep out of his eyes.

“Morning,” His voice was deepened by his drowsiness and I couldn’t help but notice how mellow the boys had become since the service. I had actually come to crave the days where they would goof off at inappropriate times. The days where I would spend half my time trying to get them to behave and stop laughing all the time; what I wouldn’t give right now for one of those days, but those are in the past now, almost forgotten.

I hadn’t come out of my room until then and I was surprised to see how clean the apartment had been kept. I guess part of me had thought that they wouldn’t have time or even be bothered to clean but then I remembered that they hadn’t spent the last few days of their lives mourning the loss of their dead boyfriend. The rest of the world hadn’t stopped just because he was gone and I think that realization hurt more than anything else. Because for me, he had been my whole world, and thinking back on it now I hated myself. I hated myself for wasting those two days alone in my room. Those two days would have meant the world to Xavier and I stopped then to remind myself of what I had decided that day. I needed to be strong, not to give up or give in because he had given me that strength that I needed to face each new day with my head held high. Today I hoped to make Xavier proud, so he could see what I could achieve on my own and hopefully with that, today’s outcome would be for the best.