[ON HOLD] 36 Students in a Classroom

8. If you're gonna get caught lying . . . at least make it funny.

                   8. THE LIAR

Okay. If you guys don’t have one of these people in your class, your world is just incomplete. Everyone should know this person. Heck, sometimes we are this person.

But the thing is, most of us don’t act like them on a daily basis.

Though I knew two people that did. This category, I guess I’ll name Lira. [pronounced LIE-ruh]

The first Lira is that person that annoys the heck out of both you and the teacher every single day with her lies.

Lira #1 comes to school every day the exact same way she left yesterday. Not clothes-wise, but in the same state of mind. You give her a whole week to come in with a paper that’s worth half her grade and she comes in a week later with thirty cents, a paperclip, and a used tissue in her back pocket, but nothing else.

And you’d think that maybe the tissue would at least have some writing on it that she could pass off as an essay, but no. Just the contents of her nose.

She’s that person that wastes half of the classroom’s time with cheap excuses and lame effort, and most of the time you scoff at her in disappointment.

. . . Not because of the lies, either. What you’re really disappointed in is how much of a terrible liar this person is. I mean, really?

“Um, my, uh, my printer started shooting out . . . blood . . . yesterday. So we took it to the hospital. It’s, um, still in recovery.”

Or: “My paper went into labor this morning . . . I’ll bring it in tomorrow, though. I mean, of course, if it can find a babysitter for its kid.”

And then there’s: “I know, I totally did the paper! I did! But then my mom saw me printing something out and she grabbed it from me and she said, ‘You don’t need school; you’re too pretty.’ And I was like, ‘Mom, you’re crazy!’  But pshh, I mean, I couldn’t really argue with her. Have you seen my modeling poses?”

That last one was ridiculous.

I have seen her modeling poses. They weren’t all that.

But anyway, Lira #1 was so bad at telling lies that the teacher eventually stopped letting her tell them. Instead she just made Lira present whatever she remembered from her “report” in front of the class. Which didn’t end well.

“Um, I did my report on the geography of Africa . . .” she would start off. “And um . . . Africa has, um, a lot of . . . stuff in it.”

Yeah. Didn’t help her grade.

And you’re just sitting there like, “Dude! All you had to do is say something about how there are regions of Africa that are dry and other ish like that, and you’d at least get a five on the assignment. . . What? Don’t look at me like that. I’ve seen your grades. You could use that five.”

Although you don’t say that. No, instead you just stare at her like she just broke your only pencil in the entire world and you have to take a test where you can only use pencil.

It’s kinda like the silent version of when you’re watching a horror movie in theaters and you’re yelling at the screen when some idiot goes into the dark room where they just heard a loud, scary sound in which you may or may not have screamed at and dropped your popcorn all over the old man next to you upon hearing.

. . . Never mind the fact that an old man is sitting next to you in the movie theaters, watching a horror movie.

And on that note, I’m just going to skip to Lira number two.