How Ter Kill Yer Mam

Round Two

Weeks later we still hadn't heard anything and we believed that the coast was clear. Nicky promised he was still faithful to the plan and would help us either way. We decided that overdose had a low success rate and we needed something more possible. We decided on Arson. The plan went as such. This time next week we'd put Mam to bed after she'd been drinking and we'd allow her a cigarette. We'd plant another one in the room on a table next to a blanket. We'd stay in the house until we had to leave and we'd phone the firemen soon after, but long enough to make sure she couldn't be saved.

"It's all set." Nicky called "She's sleeping, holding a lit ciggie and I've laid out vodka, to improve the fire and blankets too, ciggies and ash etc. It's all set. It looks as realistic as anything."

"Great let's get in our cupboard. Are the batteries out of the smoke detector?" asked Bonnie

"Yep" I replied "Okay, now we all know the alibi?"

"Yep" said Nicky "Me and Bonnie are in the bedroom together, you are in the shower and your Mam's been drinking and we put her to bed over an hour ago. Now set your watches for half an hour from now. Do not leave the apartment until then, unless you absolutely must. It's gotta look believable, everything you wanna save is at my house and when the alarm rings, run screaming from the house like you just discovered a fire, and you gotta be dressed as you would be."

"No kidding Kojak" I said "One for all, and all for Mam" we released hands and went to our positions.

Halfway through my shower my alarm beeped and I grabbed towels and ran from the smoke filled apartment. Out there I met Bonnie and Nicky.

"Alright?" I asked

"Yeah I'm good" Bonnie replied

"Nick?"

"Yeah I'm good. Couldn't have been worse timing though"

"I do not want to know" I cut him off "Right, moving on. I'm bloody freezing, so Nicky make the phone call"

"Hi, I need the fire brigade"

"Alright, what's the issue?"

"My girlfriend's apartments on fire."

"Okay, any one inside?"

"Yeah, her Mam, I think that's where the fire started, we couldn't get in though"

"Okay, ambulance and fire brigade on the way"

The phone call ended and we waited.

The firemen rushed in and out they brought me Mam on a large stretcher.

An oxygen mask covered her face, and I'll never forget that moment when she turned and looked straight at me. The haunting look in her piercing blue eyes as her hand flopped and the stare straight into my soul. From that moment I knew, I knew that she knew our plan. I knew that she was sorry for being a terrible mum. I knew that she was trying but couldn't help it and I knew that she didn't want to live. I saw her trying to let go, and she looked at me in pain but with love. I knew, although I thought I hated her, I actually loved her with all my heart. I thought I was doing this out of hatred. But I realised I was doing this because I truly loved her. I wanted things to be better for all of us. I wanted her pain to end, but all I was doing was prolonging it. I could see the disappointment in her eyes, as she knew that we had made 2 attempts on her life in 3 months. And I knew how disappointing a daughter I was. I was such a failure I couldn't even kill her.

A death like silence shrouded me once more, my legs couldn't sustain my weight. I fell and crashed into the floor. Bonnie moved towards me in slow motion, my ears rang with a piercing noise. The light from the fire was white and hot. My skin burnt. I could smell the stench of burning flesh and my tears fell and hit the floor with a deafening sound. I could hear the blood rushing to my head. My heart pounding, my insides, my soul shrivelled up and died. Within a second, I stopped. I stopped rocking, I stopped the tears and I stopped the heart wrenching sobs. My eyes hardened, I steeled my body. I stood up slowly and regained my strength. Something within me had died, all due to that one look from her. The first look of love I had seen in years. I knew I had to be strong now. I had to continue with my plight and I had to be strong for Bonnie. The bit that hurt the most was that over the years, all those people who told me they loved me never did. I only realised I was loved in a parting glance from my dying mother. I've always hated myself and only now do I know that I am loved. And I just killed the only person who ever loved me. The waves of shock rolled over me, I'm drowning. I'm drowning, it was the only thing I could think.