How Ter Kill Yer Mam

Tears on the Ground

It's been a couple of months since Morgan died, I was done for man slaughter and self-defence. But I don't have to do jail until my home and family life is stable, as I'm the sole provider for the family. I might as well take this moment to say I'd been expelled, and had a job. Also Frankie was old news, he moved to Cuba, for 'tax purposes'. Bonnie's still doing well in school, but is quite lonely now there's a stigma over us and our family. I keep a close eye on her though.

I was making dinner, just pork ribs and gravy. Nothing special. When I ventured into the bathroom. And there in the bathtub, fully clothed was Mam. Something in her hand was glinting. Then I understood. It was a razor blade. The red jewels spewed from her wrists as she hit a main artery. I ran to her and tried to stop her, when she just looked at me. Like a dog about to be put down, pity overcame me and she said:

"Just let me fly, sweetie, eh?"

"No, no, no." I said as the tears slid down my face "No, you're staying right here. I need you, Bonnie needs you. And Jamie? Remember Jamie, how his eyes shone when he saw you? His laugh and his dimples? He needs you too."

"There's nothing left here for me. My life has amounted to nothing. Everyone I ever loved leaves or dies. Just like your Da. He did both" she croaked

Usually I would have inquired into what she said about Da, but I didn't have time. She was fading fast.

"Hey, hey. What do you mean there's nothing left? Isn't anything sacred, hmm?" I replied in my best teacher's voice "Think about it, you've got family, memories, and friends. All this (I gestured around us) doesn't have anything on that. All this shit, is nowhere near as special as these amazing precious things. I promise I'll protect you. Because there are things that pain can't touch. Love, Memory. You'll always have those things. No matter where you go, no matter if you lose everything. You never lose them. And that's something worth holding onto. Now come on, let's get you out of here"

With that having been said, she didn't seem to take any notice and she just repeated:

"Just let me fly" she pleaded

"Fly?"

"Yeah fly"

"If that's what you really want Mam."

"Oh I do, I do" she sobbed

I painted a smile on and said "Then fly you shall." And together we finished the cuts, both our hands shaking. She looked at me. With the light in her eyes fading and said:

"Thank you, you're the best daughter anyone could wish for, you make me so proud. I'll fly so high, and I'll always be with you and Lamb. And Jamie. But I see light coming out of this darkness. It will all be good, for all of us. The light, its coming."

And with that she released my hand and closed her eyes.

"Goodbye Mama." Bonnie whispered from over my shoulder. I never knew she was there. We turned to each other, she wiped my tears and gave me a bear hug.