How Ter Kill Yer Mam

The Hospital

The Hospital

I ran into the hospital, tears streaming down my face, shrieking "Mam, Mam!" The only thoughts I had were-Find Mam-Find Mam. Then I saw her. Being carted into an operating theatre. Her helpless, limp body chucked on a table. I ran forward, towards a line of nurses. I smacked into them, they tried to force me back, kicking and screaming. I hit at them, shrieking. The salt of the tears overpowering all my senses. I could feel the stares of disapproving people as I screeched, wept and begged for my mother. All I wanted was to apologise and tell her I loved her. The lino floor squeaked beneath me as I was thrown into a holding room. I bounced off the walls, trying to beat my way out. My knuckles bleeding and the blood pounding in my body. I kicked and screamed, pulling at my hair. Tearing at the walls. My face red and blotched. On the outside I could hear Bonnie, trying to soothe me. It'll all be okay. It'll all be okay. It will never be okay and I know this. Finally I subdue. I sit against the wall and rock back and forth. Sobs racking my body, shaking uncontrollably. Eventually my throat aches from howling, and I silence myself. I get up and try the door. It was unlocked this whole time. Stupid.

As I leave the room I see the nurses' fear in their eyes, I see them quiver as they fear what'll do next. So I stop and I smile at them.

Finally I find Bonnie, sitting in a room with Mam. Mam was a pale as sheets, and her red hair was blood. She lay unmoving on the bed as my Lamb brushed her hair. The skin on her arms was cracked and peeling, it was badly charred.

"I'll leave you two alone, yeah?" Bonnie spoke softly

I could only muster a nod in reply. Slowly I lowered myself on to the edge of her bed, running my hands through her hair, tears rolling down my cheeks, slowly I began to speak.

"I'm not sure if you can hear me Mama, but I wish you could. Let me just start with I'm sorry. I'm the sorriest I've ever been. I can't explain why I've done this, but I know I thought it was for the best, I know now that it's not good at all. I know you don't want to live Mama. I see it, and let me say, I understand. I've been in that situation. I am in that place. I know it's hard and I know you want to fly free. So I'll try my hardest to help you. All I want is for you to be happy, you haven't been for a long time. And, like a parent to a child, I will protect you no matter what. Although I'm torn, I know what I must do. And I know that what I'm about to do, as you sleep, will be the best thing possible. Sleep well, my angel, and fly, fly far away."

I wiped away my tears and clenched my fists. I got up and took hold of one of her pillows, with all my summoned strength I placed it over her mouth and nose. Legs on either side of her, I pushed down on the pillow. What happened next, I didn't expect, it never looked like this in the movies. Her eyes snapped open. She started floundering. Pushing up against me. Her eyes were bloodshot and she started screaming in to the pillow. Her body writhed in pain, the pain shooting through her body. She hit me and screamed

"Get off me!"

Within a second, nurses were all around. They heaved me off, as I was reaching towards her. Screaming once again. They put me back in that dratted rubber holding room. Later a nurse came in and told me all of what happened after. I was so worn out with grief and guilt that I fell asleep.