Lights Out || Levi x Reader

Cold hands

Hey guys. It's been a while. I had a massive case of writer's block and commitments with work which kept me away from writing for a while! I'll try and regularly update. I'm sorry if this chapter seems a little bit, well, shit. I'm very rusty but hoping to get back into a groove soon!

K bye

You were groggy as you awoke this morning. You barely slept. In fact, you weren't sure if you had even managed to get any sleep. The bandage encasing your wound was now sticking to it, your dried blood acting as a kind of glue. That was definitely going to hurt to take off. 

You sat up on your bed and sighed dejectedly. You knew you weren't going to be able to train today, but what would Levi have you do instead? You washed your face and start to slowly limp down to the breakfast hall. Although your leg definitely felt better than yesterday, it still hurt and it hurt badly. The bandages on it definitely need to be changed but shit, you weren't about to do it yet. You wanted some food in your belly to try and make you feel more human.

As you sat at the table, you munched away on a simple breakfast of bread and a rare cup of tea. Tea was seen as a luxury, obtained in small supply. The mornings that the recruits got to have tea with their breakfast were mornings that put smiles on faces and raised morale. You sipped you tea slowly, savouring every drop, the taste distinctly reminding you of being at home with your mother. Your mother always told you off for bringing books to the breakfast table but you never listened. You loved to sit down with a cup of tea and a good book.

You pondered quickly (as quickly as you cold at least) popping back to your room to grab a book to have with your tea to fuel the nostalgic memories floating through your head. Just as you were about to stand and ask someone to keep an eye on your cup, you heard a stern voice call your name. You didn't need to turn to see who the voice was coming from. You rolled your eyes. What did he want now? All you wanted to do was go and get your book and drink your tea and pretend for ten minutes that you guys weren't being trained to fight to lessen the chance of you dying - but the chance of you dying was still high. Escapism was your only friend.

You puffed out your cheeks almost childishly as the owner of the voice was soon enough behind you. He gave off a stern aura. Slowly, you turned to face him. He was close, closer than you had originally thought, close enough that you could feel the breath from his nostrils fanning over your forehead. You visibility startled at the small distance between you, but Levi did not seem to care. He dipped down to crouch on his haunches. He motioned to your trouser leg with a nod of his head. 

"Lift it," he whispered firmly. You cheeks felt hot as you heard his words and your eyes widened in shock. He rolled his eyes and shook his head.

"Stop being an idiot and let me see if it's infected," he growled before taking it upon himself to lift your trouser leg with his own hands. He grimaced as he saw the state of the bandages beneath, the white fabric dyed red and even a murky shade of green/yellow in others. He poked at it lightly and you hissed quietly in pain.

"Why haven't you rewrapped this, _____? You know that risk of infection increases the longer that a dirty bandage lays on a wound. The first thing you should have done this morning was to unwrap it and clean it. Why have you got to be so fucking incompetent?"

He sounded genuinely quite angry as he rose up again to stand at full height. You bit your lip and looked down, not wanting to meet his eyes.

"I didn't sleep well and wanted to get some food in me before I changed it." 

You thought that it was quite a valid reason, but of course, Levi felt differently. Of course, Levi was always right.

"Well what you wanted was wrong. Now we're going to have to waste time changing this when, really, you're already a waste of time with this stupid fucking injury and you're of no use to anyone. You're going to be even more useless if you let this get infected. Stop being a fucking idiot and think about your training."

His words cut deep, but you weren't left long to dwell on them. He beckoned you to follow him with a single finger and turned on his heel, expecting you to follow. The other cadets watched on, their faces pale, their eyes wide with shock. They all knew the wrath of Levi but to have him get that angry in front of everyone in a public setting? Everyone knew it was bad. No one envied you. They thought of the panic you must have been feeling.

But you weren't panicked. You weren't scared, as you thought you might have been. You were holding back tears, trying to suppress the lump in your throat but it wasn't through any kind of fright - it was sadness. You were actually sad you had disappointed him. You figured it was because he was your superior and you wanted to impress him more than anger him, but he had never spoken to you like that, with that much passion and anger in his voice. In fact, you don't think you had heard him ever speak to anyone like that.

You stepped forward to follow him on autopilot. You were slow because of your injury and Levi's prodding had caused it to become even more painful, to sting constantly. For every 5 steps he took, you were only managing to take one and this was not good enough for him. With an exasperated sigh, he turned back around and was making his way towards you again. He scooped you into his arms, whispering something about you being incompetent and pathetic, but his voice seemed gentler than it had before.

Somehow, you didn't mind him holding you so close. You felt his heartbeat through his chest and you kind of liked it. It was soothing. 

He took you to his own quarters, where he unloaded you onto his bed. He quickly went to work on your leg as he had yesterday, expertly peeling away the bandages and cleaning away. You watched his hands as he worked. Even his hands, large, scarred and calloused from killing titans, could be delicate and gentle and heal. You wanted to reach out and touch his hand. You wanted to see how it felt. You wanted to play with his fingers and look at every mark, every scar and find out the story behind them. You didn't even realise that you had, in fact, moved a hand down to touch his. 

Your index finger slowly traced the back of his hand and you noticed the finger was trembling slightly. Levi stopped attending to your cut and looked up at you. He didn't say a word, didn't make any kind of reaction. As the hand that you were touching stopped working, you realised what you were doing. You gasped and quickly peeling your hand away. You looked down, looking anywhere but his face as you blurted out apologies, claiming that you were sleep-deprived and being stupid.

You expected an onslaught of insults from Levi and a speech about respect and personal space, but he was silent. Slowly, carefully, you looked up to look at his face. He didn't look angry or offended like you expected him to. He kind of looked thoughtful and you weren't sure if it was the light but it kind of looked like he was... blushing... maybe?

No. Surely it had to be the light. One thing was for certain though - you were definitely blushing.

Before long, he got back to work, wrapping your leg up. He mumbled something about coming back to your quarters to rewrap it before bed and left the room swiftly, not before handing you a book about battle tactics. "Make yourself fucking useful," he mumbled as he handed it to you.

You hobbled back to your room and flopped down on the bed. You dropped the book down beside you and sighed. Had you really just practically caressed his hand? And he didn't kill you for it?

You raised a hand up to study the finger that had touched his skin. You were surprised softer than you thought it would be, even though all the scars and roughness of a military man. You wondered what it would feel like to hold that hand. 

You were also surprised about his reaction - that possible blush. Had he not hated it? Did he... did he like it? Did he feel emotions like normal people? Did he want to be touched and have affection shown to him like everyone else did?

You closed your eyes and sighed. You imagined touching his hand again. You remembered that it felt cold against the skin of your finger. You were drifting off into dream land as a rogue thought entered your head about warming up his hands with your own.

You had slept for hours it seemed. You hadn't even touched the book because the next thing you knew, Levi was crouched down beside you, a hand - a soft, cold hand - pressed gently, cautiously on your cheek. Your sleepy eyes slowly opened and your hazy eyes met his. They widened as they realised you were awake.

"_____... " he whispered quietly.