why you? | h.s.

three

avery

i got a haircut. not gonna lie, but i really dig it.

you always told me you liked my long hair although you've never really seen my hair look like this.

i am so confused why am i even typing this down?

i have no idea if this is to spill my feelings and emotions or maybe one day you'll be able to see it. i hope not.

how am i holding up? not so good, but i think i'm doing better. by i think i really mean it, i mean i'm not crying myself to sleep anymore. but by not so good i mean it way more. i somehow always end up looking through your twitter even though all you tweet is shįt but i loved teasing you about that. every thought of you that comes into my head makes my heart hurt. our pictures are still in my phone too. you can really tell i'm moving on. ha.

note the sarcasm.

i miss you so fūcking much oh my god. i don't know anymore. nope. i really hope i get to move on from you, but i don't want to. god, harry i loved you.

i still love you.

we both knew how much we meant to each other and we talked about having kids and a happy family too. remember that?

"ave?" cami interrupting me knocked on my door loudly. "what's up?"

"just on my phone." i reply blankly.

"how are you?" she asked leaning against the door frame. i sit up on my bed and play with my bracelet as i look down, not wanting to look up because i just might bawl into tears.

"i," i choke out, "i miss harry."

there go the tears.

cami quickly sits beside me and hugs me tightly as she whispers comforting words.

"oh god, avery," she rubs my back.

i let go and wipe my tears away, "sorry, i'm a mess. i just, yeah, emotions. it's normal."

"what do you want? do you need water? tissue? ice cream?" cami asked.

ice cream? seriously?

"thanks but no, i don't want anything." but him. i want him. i want him back in my arms and i need him.

"we can watch some movies? maybe it'll help get him off your mind?" she suggested once more.

i nod my head no. i give her an apologetic smile and she hugs me one last time before leaving my room.