why you? | h.s.

sixteen

avery

it was the next day but it was still all too weird.

clueless is one way to describe it. i had no idea how i was feeling and i couldn't pin point a certain word to describe how i was currently feeling. how would you feel if the love of your life still admits they have feelings for you? obviously it would be such a heavenly feeling. but right now, i wasn't feeling that. the situation i'm in is absolutely different.

for god's sake, i can't just lie to myself that i no longer feel anything towards harry anymore when i'm still fūcking head over heels for him. i didn't know what was right. when harry told me he still loved me my instant reaction should've been happiness, but something was telling me it just wasn't. i was so taken aback that i couldn't react at all so i kicked him out.

and fūck yeah, i regret letting him leave. i just felt like i needed time to let this all sync in.

i want to be with him. i want it to be us again. but will it still be the same? who knows what people will think of us? who knows when management will pull a bad move and let harry fake date some other girl again? i know i'm overthinking but i just can't help but think about the future.

my typing of thoughts were interrupted when cami suddenly started video calling. instantly answering it and weakly smiling at her.

"did i wake you up?" cami asked.

"well, i barely got any sleep so it's fine." i truthfully said leaning against the headboard of my bead.

"same here. my aunt can be a hand full. they're really clueless about this place but that's why i'm here." she laughed.

i weakly laughed, "how long 'till you're back here?"

"i might be back tomorrow or the next day." cami frowned.

it was weird not having someone else with me in this place. i wasn't used to living alone.

"wait, have you watched the video i sent you?" cami suddenly asked.

i knew she was going to bring this up. harry writing a song about me and publicly talking about our relationship. i haven't talked to cami about what happened last night but i was dying to let it all out.

"i have, yeah."

"so?" her voice seemed to raise in excitement.

"i-i haven't listened to the song." i sighed.

"i think you should. it's actually really good." cami spoke while she fixed her posture.

"okay-" i was interrupted by cami's loud voice, "wait!"

"listen to it now!" cami suggested.

i gave her a weirded out look, "what?"

"listen to it now. i wanna see your reaction and you can let out your thoughts while i'm here."

"i don't know, cami." i sighed once again.

thinking about it, i did want to hear the song. the only problem was i was scared. the fact i alreay know it's about me was terrifying. i have no idea what the lyrics could be or what the tune of the song was so it was totally nerve wrecking.