The Ambassador's Daughter

Chapter 18

In the palace, Bucky lay in his bed staring at his ceiling. He hated sleeping. So many thoughts and memories came back to haunt him in his sleep. He felt vulnerable. He had never liked feeling vulnerable and certainly not since Hydra had taken him and turned him into the Winter Soldier. Despite the apparent invulnerability of the Winter Soldier, Bucky had often felt vulnerable. However, when he started feeling too vulnerable, his handlers had taken him, painfully wiped his mind clear and put him back in cryo.

But tonight, he was too distracted to feel vulnerable or sleepy. It had been a very long time since Bucky had held a woman without the intent to kill her. He'd almost forgotten how much he used to like it. He thought about Louise. Her body was soft and warm in his arms. He could almost feel her, still. Her hand had seemed small in his. The sound of her laughter, the memory of her smile in the sun made Bucky's heart pick up speed.

She was beautiful. He couldn't remember the last time he'd seen a girl as pretty as she was. Her personality shone through her eyes. Her smile was bewitching. And Steve was right, she had this ability to see Bucky for who he wanted to be, who he thought he was before the war. She recognized the scars that the war, and all the years after, had left on him, but she didn't let them define him to her. That in and of itself was alluring. He didn't know what to make of her. She made him feel like himself, but at the same time, there was always some small voice in the back of Bucky's mind telling him he didn't deserve even the small measure of happiness she brought him.

He hadn't missed her quickened breathing after the dance, he had been trained and programmed to pick up on subtleties like that, but he didn't know what to make of it. Was she attracted to him? Was she just really out of shape? The Wakandan air was pretty humid, that could contribute to shortness of breath. He could explain away her reactions all he wanted, but he could not deny that he had liked holding her close.

The smell of her hair had been nearly intoxicating. The way she had responded to his lead was exhilarating. And the way she teased him! No one had dared do that with him since before the war. She didn't care that he could crush her with the slightest flex of his left hand. It seemed like Louise wanted Bucky to know that he was still human and subject to all the aspects of human life, including good-natured teasing.

She really was something else. Although he was still uncertain about whether or not it was a good idea to wake him up, Bucky was glad he was getting the opportunity to know Louise. "I guess I'm going to the ball," he muttered to himself before finally succumbing to the exhaustion tugging at his consciousness.