The Ambassador's Daughter

Chapter 25

Meanwhile, at the palace, Steve had taken Louise at her word and went to question Bucky. Steve found Bucky sneaking out of his room. "Buck!" Bucky jumped, cursed silently, and turned to look at his old friend. "What happened last night? With Louise?"

Bucky shrugged, "Every now and then I have a bad day. Like you're always as chipper as you appear to be."

"Alright," Steve apologized, holding up his hands. "So what happened after Louise got here?"

Bucky looked like he'd rather not talk about it, but then he sighed and shrugged his shoulders. "She told me about the first time her dad hit her. Then we fell asleep."

"That's it?" Steve asked.

"You were hoping for more?"

"Well, I did camp outside your door all night." Steve shrugged. Bucky pulled a face and pushed Steve.

"Well, I'm sorry we could provide you with more entertainment." Bucky apologized sarcastically. They walked through the palace in silence for a few minutes then Steve slowed his pace.

"Why did she tell you about when her dad started hitting her?"

Bucky shrugged. "She said that she wanted to show me that I was a good man. I'm not sure how she planned on doing it with that story, though." Bucky sighed and stared out the window, over the misty jungle.

"You don't agree?" Steve questioned.

"Of course I didn't like hearing that she gets hit by her dad just for trying to get his attention." Bucky replied evasively.

"That's not what I was referring to." Steve said, leaning against the wall staring at his friend. "Is that why she gets hit?"

Bucky shrugged. "Of course I don't believe her." Bucky murmured. He turned away from the window, and the shadowy reflection it gave of him. "All the things I've done. All the lives I've ruined. How can I be a good man?"

"Buck, all of that you did because you had no choice. It wasn't really you."

"We've had this argument before, Steve, I still did it." There it was, that impasse all their conversations on this subject seemed to lead to. He just wanted to be a man worthy of the trust and devotion Steve showed him and the love he was starting to feel for Louise. He wanted to be the man she said she saw. The man that could fight down his demons. But he was constantly tormented by the memories of what he had done. She saw more in him than Steve did. She knew, somehow, what really bothered him about his past.

He had tried to kill his oldest friend and he had killed a good friend, and so many others. And in killing Howard Stark, had cost Steve a friend. The memories of all the murders he had committed kept him up at night, tormented his dreams and nagged at his waking thoughts. The only relief he seemed to get was when he was around Louise. Bucky sighed, and continued down the hall towards to gym.

"Do you want to spar for a while?" Steve asked, he had learned that when they circled around to their inevitable impasse, it was best to leave the topic alone for a bit. Bucky nodded and pushed the door open. He took his stance on the mat and Steve swung at him. They sparred until they were both thoroughly exhausted, which took some doing. After their sparing match, Steve went to find something to eat and Bucky went to hide in his niche with a book for a distraction.