Aberration

Chapter 32

1:00 seemed to take forever to come the next day. I grabbed my bag and left the house at 12:45, Elephant Bar wasn't that far away. Borrowing Lauren's car (which Niall surprised her with at Christmas), I made the endless drive across town. My lips were raw from bitting them so much, due to the stress of this conversation I was about to have.

I gripped the wheel as I broke at the stop light, my knuckles were white and my mind ran wild about what else Anne could have to tell me. It's not like I didn't have a shit ton of other things to worry about, now this? My anxiety level rose to a new high as I pulled into the mall parking lot. Walking up and into Elephant Bar, I scanned the room for Anne, catching a glimpse of her jet black hair sitting in a booth back in the corner. I took a deep breath and sat across from her, ordering a coke before facing her.

"Ava I really don't wanna stress you out with this, you look a bit overwhelmed.."

I pushed my bangs out of my face and scrunched my eyes closed. "No...it's okay. It would just stress me out more if I didn't know."

She seemed reluctant as she scanned my face over, then giving in she folded her hand's together on the table. "Okay...where did we leave off?"

"You had told me that Harry had Schizoaffective disorder." My tiredness mixed with slight eagerness as I spoke, I needed know now, I could sleep later. Actually, if this is as bad as Anne's making it out to be, I won't be sleeping anytime soon.

"Right, it makes him...interesting."

I nodded, she didn't need to remind me, I remembered everything quite clear. "It makes him bipolar and see things." I said, but it came out more as a question. "What do you mean by see things though?"

She hesitated for a moment before speaking. "He....it's like hallucinations, but they're severe and realistic. There's sounds and everything."

I suddenly questioned why Harry wasn't put into a mental institution with such a disorder. 

"It makes him on edge and obsessive, like terribly obsessive....it absolutely kills me to say it but almost to the point of stalker obsessive." Tears poured over onto her cheeks and I found my eye's quite moist also. I couldn't imagine Anne's pain, her only son was qualified to be hospital bound due to a disorder caused by-

"How did he develop the disorder?"

Her face immediately paled and my heart stopped. There's no way, no. 

"It's because of me isn't it...." I whispered, more to myself than to Anne. 

"Ava lis-" 

But it was too late, I rushed outside and to my car, flinging open the door and sitting before breaking down in sobs. Me, it's because of me. It's because of me Harry's like this. Why he has to live his life distancing himself from people and scared to wake up in the morning because of what he might "see". It's my fault. I cough as I inhale my own tears and start to wish they would drown me. But that's just the wimp I am. I can't even take responsibility for shattering someone life into a billion pieces. That I would rather just die than go forth with myself.

The passenger door opens and I'm pulled into Anne's arms. My sobs grow harder and I hear Anne's soft cries join mine. We sit like this for a while, comforting each other with our tears. Eventually the tears slowly stop and I see Anne's have too. I sit up out of her arms and dry my cheeks with the sleeve of my sweater. The car is silent and I don't have any words to say.

"Ava please listen to me." Anne says quietly, tucking a loose hair behind my ear. "I know this is a lot to handle and I know it's not easy. But this is one of the reasons we've all brought you back."

"Not just because the boy's missed you, which they did miserable, but because Harry needs you. And as delusional as it seems at the moment....you need him too."

I process her words and find myself confused, I thought I was the problem? "Why does Harry need me? I caused this, if anything don't I need to stay away?" I can feel the lump in my throat grow with every word.

She looks at me sympathetically, "But you're the only one that can dig him out of this hole...I know this is only gonna make it worse but Ava his obsession is you."

Her words cut me open. "his obsession is you." Harry is obsessed with me. The word seems so nonchalant, but when you take his condition, it makes it 10x more intense. "the point of stalker obsessive."

"His depression was caused by the absence of you, and now that you're back he doesn't know how to handle things. It's very....complex."

I try to respond but my voice fails. Taking a moment to recuperate I try again. "So what do I do?"

"All you have to do is be there. For him. I know it's a lot to ask, dealing with the intensity of his condition..but all I'm asking is for you to try. At least convince him to take his medication. Please Ava, I just want to see him better.." Her eyes grow glossy again and it takes all I have just to give a slight nod.

"Thank you Ava, thank you.." she leans over and engulfs me in a tight hug and a kiss to the cheek. Then, she's gone.

I sit in my car, staring down at the wheel. Shock. Complete, and utterly overwhelming shock takes over my entire body. So much, that my hands go numb as I drive the streets back to the flat. It's now 5:15 when I get home and I not so much as give a look to anyone as I enter the house and run upstairs before collapsing on my bed. Whimpers escape my dry lips as I think of the past charming, clever boy whose life I've ruined, and transformed into a living hell.