Aberration

Chapter 23

I sat in my room quietly, listening to the silence of the flat diminish as the rest of the boys and Lauren arrive inside. Laughter and chatter echo through the house and through my closed door. That laugh, Niall. It's been a while since I heard it and its music to my ears. I really did miss it here. But it was for the best that I left and here I am. Right back where I started, practically digging my own grave.

"Ava?" a voice calls and Lauren peeks into my room. A smile overcomes her worried expression as she prances in and bounces onto the bed beside me.

"I thought you had left for a minute there."

"Nope. Here I am." I smile sheepishly. I never thought about leaving while they were gone. I could've made it home, or at least close enough. Not like I would've been able to sneak out though. I can tell by the way Harry dragged me inside from the pond he wouldn't have let me step foot out of the drive way. Harry. Maybe Lauren knows whats up with him.

I ponder whether or not to ask her and decide to go for it.

"Hey Laur," I say catching her attention away from her phone.

"Hmm?"

"What's wrong with Harry?" I make sure to keep my voice low, the boys tend to have an eavesdropping problem.

But my words catch her attention. She looks at me with soft eyes. A small smile tugging at her lips.

"What do you mean?"

I shuffle my feet back and forth, suddenly feeling uncomfortable.
"I don't know...he just seems different. Don't laugh at me but almost darker."

I mentally slap myself at my word choice. But without correcting myself waiting for her response. I can tell she was thinking hard about her next words. The wheels in her head noticeably spinning. Her light brown eyes search into mine as she attempts to speak. Moving her mouth for a minute before words even start to come out.

"Ever since you left that day he's been different." she says in a sigh.

Taken back by her statement I don't speak, silently encouraging her to further explain.

"Everything's changed. Him and Louis aren't the same, I don't know what it is, but I have a feeling its you."

I let her words sink in, my mind buzzing. Thousands of questions pressure onto my tongue, but I hold them in, letting her finish.

"He's not the same Harry. He's not as outgoing, laid back, or...happy even. He barely talks to anyone and when he does its short words or sarcastic comments. Something changed inside him when you left Ava. Like he snapped....he's gotten so aggressive and forceful. No one even tries to argue back with him because there's no point in it. He always wins."

I gather my words and begin to speak when she quickly adds something in.

"Thats why we brought you back..."

Her voice comes out in a whisper and she refuses to look me in the eye.

"What?" My mouth speaks before I get the chance to think. "You think I can fix this? Him? Whatever he is?"

Anger begins to grow inside me and I speak before I comprehend the words.

"I've already had enough shit in my life Lauren. I left them in my past for a reason. This reason. Its not my fault he's the way he is, I haven't even been here! So don't you dare say its because of me. If anything, they're the ones who changed me! Do you know how hard it is? To leave behind such a big part of your life? For you to be told by someone you adore so much that you're no longer wanted? To have to unlove someone and just leave? To disappear for years than be brought back into this mess? No, you don't."

I realize that at this point I'm screaming and in tears. But I don't care.

"It's been the most difficult thing I've ever done in my life. I would never wish this pain on anybody. No one. Everyday I would cry, and try not to think about them. To turn the radio off whenever one of their songs came on, delete every picture, take down every poster and practically change my life only to be brought right back to the source. So you have no right to say I'm to blame here."

My breath came heavily and my blood was rushing. I had worked myself up so much and I'm positive everyone in a 10 mile radius heard me. The look on Lauren's face said it all as she blinked wide eyed in shock. And I'm sure I looked the same way. I was surprised at my words but it just flowed out of me and once I started I couldn't stop till it was all said and done.

I ran my fingers through my hair as my heart slowed. Beginning to walk the perimeter of my room I searched for anything to take my focus away from all the feelings I just uncovered. I wiped my eyes on my sleeves but its no use as the tears keep coming. I begin to whimper, hiding my face in my hands. Lauren's warm embrace being my only refuge as I begin to sob uncontrollably.

How could all this happen? I was doing so well and now Im sucked back in. But I know I'm only lying to myself. I was never getting better, before this or anytime soon and definatley not now. But all this did was wreck the chances of ever getting better. My hope was to someday pull myself out of this ditch and get back to the normal, but that only is a distant memory and now dream. My senior year will be filled with bad memories now and to come.

You'd think life with a world renown band would be a dream come true but in reality its only been a nightmare. With only bad blood and tension. Not even my mom can pull me out of this mess and thats when it hits me.

I'm stuck. Unconvincingly and utterly trapped. Like a dog in a pound when no one is even making an effort to throw me a bone, but expecting the impossible out of it.