Fighting Back

I'll never stop hurting

God, this boy really does have me a loss for words...

It felt as if I sped through the rest of the day for how happy I was. So I basically have him in four of my classes. I sit next to him in three and the fourth one is assigned, but he's still in my view.

Creep. Shut up.

I gave him my number so now I just have to wait for him to text me.

Ok, don't screw this up.

I wait patiently on my phone for a text, a call, something!

God, I'm obsessed.

I try to take my mind off it because I was waiting by that damn phone for 2 hours straight and nothing! No text, No call, No anything! So, I decided to actually like clean up my room and stuff which I rarely do cause...I'm kinda lazy.

I begin to clean my room and I actually get lost in trying to make it look nice so I take a while. I look at my computer and see that about and hour and a half had gone by with me just cleaning. I look around my room.

"eh, good enough" I say out loud then jump on my bed and slide my phone in my hand.

*1 new message*

*30 min ago*

Shit!

I quickly start typing on my phone. "SORRY I WAS BUSY IM SO SORRY YOU STILL THERE??"

Wait, too desperate.

I took a deep breath and began to type normally, "Hey, sorry I was just cleaning and stuff. How are you?" I take another deep breath.

I hope I don't mess this up. 

I patiently stare at my phone, then... I feel a familiar sharp pain in my heart.

Fuck. Josephine likes him... I can't do that to her. she's my only friend. I can't do that. she'll hate me. I can't. I can't. I can't. but I love him...

I feel hot tears stream down my face...

He'll never be mine. He can never be mine. 

Tell Josie how you feel. No. Tell her! No. YOU'RE GOING TO LOOSE HIM! I know but I can't loose her. YOU JUST MET HER! TO HELL WITH HER! I'm not that kind of person, this will break me, this will hurt me. But I am not that kind of person...

I have to keep my feelings a secret. Not like it matters anyway, he'll never feel the same...

*Bing*

*1 new message*

Tyler: It's ok. So wyd?

Me: Nothing I'm pretty bored actually. You?

Tyler: Me too. Hey, I wanted to ask, are you friends with Josephine?

Damnit.

Me: Oh, yeah. How did you know

Tyler: I've just seen you guys like hang out with each other at school and stuff.

Me: Oh. Well yeah were best friends.

I don't know why I promised to be best friends with her... and I always keep my promises.

Wait why is he asking me this? He noticed me?? or he noticed her...

Me: Why?

As I waited impatiently for him to respond I could feel my heart throbbing painfully. 

I wish I could just see his beautiful smile. I wish I could be the one to make him smile.

He responds and I blindly typing through pain and being a good friend I do something stupid.

Tyler: Oh just wondering...

Me: Do you like her?

I would never be able to ask that in person. But people are always more upfront through text so I can ask this.

And I could break behind the screen. 

Tyler: Kinda, well yeah. Why?

I can't breathe.

I drop my phone on my bed with my mom slightly open. I'm hurt. Hot tears flood out of my eyes subconsciously.

Damnit. I'm crying.

I just want to ball up and sleep and never wake up. 

Why did I ask??

I continue trying no to show I was hurt.

Me: I'll help you if you want! :)

Why did I say that??

Tyler: What do you mean? you'll help me get with her?

Me: Yeah sure! I have her number want it?

What am I doing!?

I'm saying everything I don't want to. maybe this is for the best? Maybe its supposed to be like this... 

I'll help, but I'll never stop hurting.

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A/N damn Bre, what are you doing?? Is she making the right choice? Is this being a good friend? Is josie a good friend??

- Im so cheesy love ya'll!