My Bad Boy

Chapter 17

Medyo nahimasmasan ako after kong maligo, feeling ko masyado akong naging OA alam ko naman na hindi ako pababayaan ni RAM at hindi nya ako hahayaang malunod. Masyado lang siguro akong naging OA hindi ko din naman sinasadya eh. Nasaan na kaya sya. I'm sure he's pissed at me dahil sa ginawa at sinabi ko kanila. Haist ang hirap pa naman suyuin ng lalaking to.

I went downstairs to look for him, I saw him cooking at the kitchen. Paano ka ba naman hindi maiinlove sa lalaking to, bukod sa napakagwapo at napakatalino na eh napakasarap pang magluto.

Napansin nya sigurong papasok ako kaya lumingon sya sa akin. Tahimik lang sya at hindi kumibo. Kinakabahan ako kung paano ako mag a-apologize sa kanya.

"Malapit na akong matapos, maupo ka na muna." Sabi nya.

"Sorry." I just said in  a low voice.

He didn't answer or even look at me. I think he's really pissed.

I just tried to ignore the pain I've felt. It's my fault anyway. I sit down and start to to eat silently with him. Ni hindi ko sya magawang tingnan habang kumakain. Feeling ko ang laki ng kasalanan ko sa kanya. 

"Do you want to go home after we eat?" He said while eating, ni hindi nya ako sinulyapan.

"Ahmmm.... If that's what you want then it's fine with me". I said i a low voice. I don't want to sound lonely pero feeling ko dinig sa boses ko na nalulungkot ako.

He look at me while questions in his eyes na parang sinasabi na hindi ba ikaw ang may gusto nyan.

"I mean, gusto pa sana...pero kung galit ka..." I said looking at the food infront.

"You know I'm not mad. Ikaw itong galit." Sabi nya habang nakatitig.

"I want us to enjoy kaya tayo nandito, pero kung aawayin mo lang ako, siguro it will be better kung bumalik na lang tayo ng Manila." He said dissappointment written in his face.

Mukhang nagsisisi na sya na niyaya nya ako sa out of town na to. I can sense na siguro iniisip nya na kung siguroo iba na lang ang sinama nya baka mas nag enjoy pa sya. Angie perhaps?, may kumurot sa puso ko ng maisip yun. Feeling ko mas bagay sila ni Randolf, bukod sa maganda na at sexy mas maipagmamalaki pa sya ni Randolf dahil sa achievements nya, unlike her na isang secretary lang hindi ba?

"Sige mag aayos na ako." Hindi ko na sya inantay magsalita. Tumayo na ako sa table at umakyat sa kuwarto. Hindi ko ini expect na susundan nya ako at babawin ang sinabi nya.

Sayang lang ang mga pinamili nyang damit para sa akin. He thought na magstay kami dito ng tatlong araw pero first day palang epic failed na. 

Naramdaman ko ang pagpasok nya sa kuwarto. Hindi ko na lang sya tiningnan kasi naiiyak na ako. Feeling ko napaka arte ko at feeling maganda kung maka asta.

"What are you doing?" He said habang palapit sya sa akin. 

"Nag-aayos ng gamit ko. You know you can stay here, para naman makapag relax ka. Ako na lang ang babalik sa Manila." I said without looking at him. Hindi ko alam if ano yung dapat kong maramdaman, feeling ko nadudurog yung puso ko ngayon. Ang dami pa talagang issues na dapat naming isettle. I don't think we can click if ganito ako. Hindi din kami magkakasundo and in the end susukuan nya lang din ako.

He sighed heavily. I can feel his tired of everything. Maybe his tired of me, being a stupid girl na punong puno ng insecurities.

I tried to control my emotions. Damn, ayokong umiyak at magmukhang kaawa awa sa harap nya. Ayokong isipin nya na nagpapa awa ako.

"I think I have to give you back this ring." I said controlling the sob.

He didn't speak and just look at the red box that I am giving him. I wanted to wear that ring but I don't think I deserve it. God knows sya lang naman ang gusto kong makasama habang buhay eh. Pero if ganito kami papano pa.

"You know what? I guess you don't deserve somebody just like me."

"You think so?"he's mad every word full of sarcasm.

"I don't think I will fit in your world, I mean...... I....am just a secretary...you deserve someone better...someone like...." I can't say it. I really hurt me. Hindi ko masabi na someone like Angie or someone like his best friend.

"Don't you dare compare yourself to someone else." He said voice gripping with anger. Madaming beses ko na syang nakikitang galit pero eto na yata yung araw na sobrang galit sya sa akin. Will he ever forgive me? I don't think so.

"Fix your things, I'll wait you outside." He said and walk out the door.

"Wait RAM, pwede naman akong magcommute. You can stay." I try to convince him to stay.

"You really think I will be fine after all of this?!" Sabi nyang sumisigaw na.

"Akala ko ako yung manhid. Ikaw pala!" Inis yang sabi sa akin.

"Ayaw mong masaktan pero ikaw ang mas nananakit!" 

"Now please....just stop talking! Ihahatid kita sa Manila, end of discussion." He said and left me.

I saw him waiting inside the car. He didn't bother to open it for me. I know he's to pissed to do it for me. 

Feeling ko ang haba haba ng biyahe sa sobrang katahimikan. I can see from the side how his jaw clenched and how he grip the steering wheel tighty. Naramdaman ko na lang na malapit na pala kami sa apartment ko ng dahan dahang humihinto ang kotse nya. Tahimik pa rin kaming pareho. God knows I want him to talk to me pero hindi ko alam kung ano yung tama kong sabihin. Feeling ko pag nagsalita ako madadagdagan ang galit nya sa akin.

Ilang minuto din na walang nagsasalita sa amin. He's not asking me to leave his car. He's just sighing heavily na parang doon sya humuhugot ng pasensya na huwag magalit sa akin at itapon ako palabas ng kotse.

"Are we breaking up?" Hindi ko natiis na hindi magsalita. Hindi ako makatingin sa mga mata nya at makita yung sagot doon. Nakayuko ako at tumutulo ang mga luha sa mata. 

"Again?" He said his voice frustrated.

"How many times did you broke up with me then?" He said again looking in front.

"I'm....i'm sorr-y" My voice broke. I can't take it anymore.I try to open the door but he stop me. Tiningnan ko sya habang hawak ako sa kamay.

His eyes are full of sorrow. Did I really upset him that much?

"NO baby. we're not breaking up." He said and loosen his grip. He smiled kahit nakikita ko ang lungkot sa mga mata nya.

Hindi ko matiis. Bumaba ako ng kotse at umikot sa driver's seat. I open his door and I hugged him tight. I know he's a bit shock for what I did. I know minsan may topak talaga ako sa utak.

"I'm sorry! I'm sorry for ruining this day. i love you!" I said in between sobs. My tears keep falling and I know basa na rin ang t shirt nya sa mga luha ko. I don't care if I will sound pathetic, needy but I just wanna say sorry to him and that I meant it.

"I love you! stop crying please." He wiped my tears and kiss me on the lips.

"I'm sorry.... can you..... can you stay tonight?" I said and I can now see a smile forming in his lips.

"Of course baby."