Hi.
So, if you haven’t noticed already, I came back, after almost two full months of being inactive on this account. It may not seem like a very long time, and I’m sure there will be people thinking that I only came back because I missed being ‘popular’ or whatever, or that I never meant the things I said about starting over in the first place. You can think that, but those things aren’t true.
In the two months I was gone, I tried to reinvent myself. Not into something new and different, but into the person I truly, genuinely was deep down. I tried to be true to myself and my interests, my beliefs, my likes, my dislikes, my opinions, without letting my desire for other people’s approval cloud my judgment and dictate my actions. I think I succeeded.
In those two months, I learned how to accept and embrace more parts of myself and be more comfortable in sharing and expressing them with others. I learned that one person rejecting me doesn’t mean everyone else will too, that one person disliking me doesn’t mean everyone else does too.
I learned how to be more honest with myself and the people around me. I tried to stop caring so much about what everyone thought of me and just do what I wanted. I tried to stop trying to make everyone else happy and focus on making myself happy. I’m glad to say that I think I succeeded in that too.
I’m more comfortable in my own skin, and that honestly means the world to me.
I’m so sorry, genuinely sorry, for any trouble I’ve caused, any distress or annoyance or whatever I’ve been the source of, but I needed this. This was good for me.
I feel better. I feel healthier.
I came back because, despite my improvements, I missed all of you so much, I honestly did. My depression is still there and my anxiety has actually been worsening, meanign more anxiety and panic attacks throughout my weeks. It’s harder (though not impossible) to deal with when I don’t have many people there to talk to because I find a lot of comfort in talking to other people and having company when my anxiety or depression spikes. It’s funny because I didn’t really miss being ‘popular’ or whatever, but I missed having so many people that care about me, even though those two things seem to go hand-in-hand. I missed being able to share my thoughts and opinions and works and have other people respond and talk to me and bond with me over things. I missed having those little connections with all of you. I missed having you guys in my life, honestly. And so I came back.
So this is the new and improved me, I guess.
I’m the same person, but in a way, I like to think I’m also different.
Take me or leave me. Either way, I’m finally more content with myself, and that’s all I really needed, in the end.
Thank you for listening.
– Shelley
