Those Brown Eyes

XVII. Tempest

All these emotions at the surface, ready to spill over. I feel like I'm barely keeping my head above water, like a drowning animal. I can't breathe under water; I can't breathe through all the depression.

I'm tired of lying to everyone around me, pretending to be fine when in reality a tempest rages inside me. Sometimes I don't even know what I feel, it's all jumbled up beneath my chest.

Scars cover my body for what you did to me. They mask the old ones from my past, putting those to shame. These new ones will always be there to mar my skin and remind me of the pain.

People tell you that when you go through a breakup that you should remember the good and the bad, but to me the bad wasn't all that terrible. Compared to all the bad I've had in my life before I met you, our fights and flaws were just small hiccups in our relationship.

One day, a bruised and abused girl met a boy who kept her alive long enough to break her heart.

Yesterday a bruised and abused woman thought she was ready to move on, only to be completely wrong.

Today she claims to be fine for it's better to convince herself that her life isn't going down in flames rather than to acknowledge the fact that she's dying alone.

So you see, this storm that rages inside is a part of me now. I fear that you will never come around again to calm it like you used to, but it's okay because those scars I mentioned earlier are opening up again.

You're the only one I've ever truly loved, and to me that's worth a lot more than an apology.

Right now I feel like a hurricane, spinning out of control and destroying everything in my path. I will never love again, no, not if it's anyone but you.

I am born of sinners; they are who made me what I am today. How do I explain this pain? This wretched, gnawing pain of knowing that I am also a sinner?

I think I'm finally starting to realize why you left based on the words you said to me, but it's hard for me to understand. How is it better for either of our shattered hearts for you to leave the way that you did? No matter what conclusion I come to, I could never justify your actions.

Last night, those scars became cuts and that crack running down the middle of my heart became a little bigger.

Hurt me until I break completely, because right now I'm only halfway there. Tell me that you don't love me, that you never did. Please don't leave me with the truth. Don't let me continue to be a violent storm, grasping for another reason to live.

"Some remember every story, every inch between the lonely. Every voice that ever told me, only one could ever hold me. Felt it in between, I remember when I dream. But you're vicious now, yeah, you're vicious now."

Hey look, it's all my feelings in song form.