I have truly never been happier. Shawn gives me so much inspiration and motivation to be better. To be a better student, to play my guitar more, to write more. I am trying to absorb every moment I have with him because I know he leaves for his tour soon. I have anxiety so I am extremely concerned that long distance will tear us apart. We have a couple weeks left together and I'm soaking in every minute. We still are in secret about our relationship because everything is a lot easier that way. Easier doesn't always mean better.
I've always wanted to be famous. Not for the materialistic reasons but for the connection you create with so many different people around the world. Who doesn't want thousands of people screaming your name and feeling inspired by your music? I don't know if I want that for myself though. There are so many career paths I see myself on. Whether that's music or media like I originally planned or find a career through skating. I'm sure Il be happy no matter what path I'm led on. I'm very lost right now, to say the least. I don't know if I'm where I'm supposed to be. The one thing I'm sure about is Shawn.
I only noticed this morning that we really don't go out on dates. We just spend time together either at my dorm or his apartment. Usually, it's my dorm because its a 30-minute drive to Shawn's house and I don't own a car. Shawn does however so my dorm is usually the place we see each other every day.
Our love story will always be complicated because I don't think either of us can explain our connection. We just know. Its one of those "Love at first sight" kinda stories. As cheesy and lame and unrealistic as that's sounds, its how I describe us. Our paths were set together and that I am sure of. We are trying to do things right and take things slow but deep down we know we will end up together. We know we experience so many milestones together so it's just a matter of when.
Things that we talk about would scare other couples but its very casual for us. Like as soon as we started dating we've teased each other about marriage references and kids names. I'm so excited for that day. It's such an overwhelming feeling to fall involve with someone so extremely fast.
Wait... In love..?
I slammed by diary closed and laid on my pillow and covered my face with my hands in shock of what I had just realized. I laughed to myself shaking my head in disbelief of how lucky I am.
The Next Day
It was a Saturday Morning and I decided to take the train to visit Shawn. He's always the one to come visit me. I've learned from my dad that the way to keep the spark alive is to treat every day like the beginning go your relationship. Even though we've only been together for a few weeks we already feel like we've been together much longer.
I was really nervous to meet his family in person. We've face timed many times but I haven't had a chance to meet them in person. To get ready for the occasion I wanted to look nice but not someone different then Kaya. I was almost was feeling insecure because I don't want them thinking I'm just another one of Shawn's fans.
I put on a pair of well fitted light wash jeans, with a flow black and white blouse. I paired it with black heeled shoes. I barely put on any makeup and curled my hair very loosely at the ends like I always did.
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