First and Last Love- Shawn Mendes

AB+

Since when is fighting viewed as an impossible experience. I understand the concept of fighting being hard and saddening but having the opportunity to fight against something is one to be grateful for. The opportunity to even fight and to be given a chance means more than many will ever know.

My dad was given a fight. And I am trying my best to understand the opportunity he has been given.

I sit in the white loud hallways of the hospital. My knees aching from curling my body up, trying to keep myself together. My clothes beginning to wrinkle. My makeup is clinging to my face by a thread and my hair now flat from the curls it once held.

I sit on the ground with the sound of the heart monitor, ensuring it keeps beeping in the back of my mind. My thoughts race at every second, there is no moment of fresh breath.

My body feels like it goes into fight or flight mode but it hasn't come out of fight mode since. All my senses won't seem to relax.

I see Shawn in the corner of my eye but my lifeless eyes continue to stare at the wall in front of me as he sits down next to me. He hands me a large cup of strong coffee as sleep has been non-existent in the past 48 hours.

I sigh unable to form a word as I accept the steaming cup. We sit there sitting in silence, the heart monitor as the background music.

It's unfortunate to realize something's worth after its almost been taken away from you.I am obviously grateful for my dad and appreciate him but there's always more. I could have come home more often.

Shawn puts his arm around me and breathes with me. "We can do this. He will fight" he says into my ear.

"Hoping is my only option right now," I reply back as my eyes begin to swell.

The doctor turns the corner in her blue scrubs and I stand up immediately. 

"I'm sorry I haven't bee in to give you an update yet, but I have lots of information to share," she says standing on the foot of the bed facing my dad Shawn and I were standing beside he bed with desperation in our eyes. 

"As you know your fathers has gone into kidney failure. We got his lab results back and one kidney is no longer viable." she tells us.

"Okay, but he can live with one kidney right?" as the words escape my mouth Shawn grabs my hand in support. I don't know how could do this alone. 

"Yes he can but Mrs James, but your father's other organs are failing as well." She says sternly.

"What do you mean?" I ask in pure confusion.

"I mean the alcohol that your father has been consuming recently has put his body close to organ failure. He will need two kidneys in hopes of some recovery." 

"Okay well I will give him one, I will give him part of my liver, I give him anything" I almost yell at her in desperation.

"I will get the tests for you." as she walks out.

I turn to Shawn, frozen with so many emotions.

My dad laying with a large tube in his mouth and the sound of the machine breathing for him. 

"Dammit, dad!" I say crying into his hand as I grasp it hoping he's not as lifeless as he appears. 

"I shouldn't have left him,abandoned him, he felt so much pain he needed to drink his pain away. Why didn't I know he was drinking?!"

I yell at the bed sheets next to my dad as the tears stream don't my face.

"Hey, hey, hey, hey... Kaya. Kaya, look at me." As he grabs my chin and brings my eyes close to his.