The Disconsolate Maiden

Chapter Nineteen

Homura's head collided with the pillow in her grandparent's luxurious guest bedroom on the third floor of their house.

Sweet scents of lavender mixed with honey and cherry blossoms filled her nostrils, reminding her of the first time she ever met her grandparents. Since her father had been so protective of his daughters in the past, he had never allowed them to visit other family. It seemed strange, but that was just his thing. He had no intentions of allowing family to use his "gorgeous" daughters to get more attention than they already had, being rich and all.

"This smells so expensive..." Homura thought to herself, her eyelids already growing heavy from the comforts that surrounded her.

Rolling over onto her back in the queen sized bed, Homura forced a smile on her face, understanding that it was something she would definitely need to work on. Being surrounded in such expensive treasures seemed to ease to effort needed to put towards a fake smile. It was the perfect time for Homura to practice.

"One day," Homura thought, staring at the tall, smooth, white painted ceiling in her room. "I promise I'll be who you wanted to be. Not who I want to be, but who you wanted to be."

Homura closed her eyes, unable to sustain the weight of her eyelids any longer. Thus, she fell into a deep sleep almost immediately, her soul drifting far, far away into her familiar, distant world.

Homura opened up her eyes, looking around anxiously, checking to make sure she knew where she was.

Looking down, she found that there was sand in between her toes, her feet bare. Looking up, she saw a clear blue sky, a few cumulus clouds here and there, and a single cirrus cloud shooting through what appeared to be the center of the heavens.

Homura squinted her eyes, the bright sun blurring her vision for a few moments. Seagulls cried out in vain as the hugs, greenish colored waves from the sea pounded and crashed onto the sandy beach.

"So I'm just here..." Homura thought, her chest feeling as if it had just tightened a bit. "I suppose...this is no surprise, considering the last time I travelled to this dream world..."

"Homura!" a girl called out from behind her, laughing as she ran down a sandy slope, nearly crashing into her.

Homura jumped a little, disappointed in herself that she had been surprised. She should have suspected that this "person" would be here at her favorite place in the world.

This "person", was obviously her sister. Her deceased sister. The sister Homura never wanted to remember.

"Homura, you don't have to ignore me," her sister said softly, grabbing her twin sister's hand. "We're twins. I'll always be with you, so there's no point in trying to forget."

"I want to move on..." Homura sighed, already finding that this wasn't going to be a pleasant 'dream'. "But you won't let me."

"I'd allow you to move on if I could, really," her sister said, staring eye to eye with her sister. "But you keep doing things to hurt yourself. Mother is going to be just fine, trust me. You're worrying too much about things that aren't worth your life!"

"Thanks..." Homura sighed slightly sarcastically. "I really wanted to hear that."

"A-Are you mad at m-me?" her sister stammered, instantly making Homura feel guilty when she felt her hands begin to tremble. "I'm sorry..."

"No, no it's okay..." Homura said softly. "Do you want to go up to the cliff?"

"No," her sister said stubbornly, tightening her grip on Homura's hand, though it was still trembling. "I want you to answer my single question."

"What is it?" Homura asked, staring down at their feet. "I'll try to answer it if I can."

"Well then..." Homura's sister said, a saddened look forming on her face. "How come you refuse to speak of me? To speak of my name?"

Homura instantly jerked away from her sister and broke into a clumsy run, making her way towards the cliff.

"Answer me!" her sister screamed before she burst into tears, falling down in the sand where they had stood together.

"I'm sorry..." Homura thought to herself, guilt piercing her heart. "I can't speak your name. I can't say it. The words are so delicate and so precious to me...yet I cannot. The moment I speak of your name, everything really will shatter. It's so selfish of me...but the moment I say your name...I know your existence will become a reality to me again. I don't want to feel that pain. I don't want to experience losing you again."

Homura stood on the edge of the cliff, preparing to jump, hoping her suicide attempt would lead her soul back into reality, ending her dreams.

Taking one final step, Homura bended her knees, readying herself.

In slow motion, Homura felt herself falling for a split second, but just as a previous dream she had had, someone grabbed ahold of her. Only this time, it wasn't her sister. It was a strong, muscular type of person, definitely of the male gender.

"Hey," the boy said, Homura instantly recognized the voice as Jyushimatsu, despite barely knowing him still.

Homura was pulled to her feet, her heart racing as Jyushimatsu hugged her tightly for a solid minute, not saying anything.

From the sudden wetness on the back of her shirt, Homura came to the realization that Jyushimatsu was crying behind her, yet ever so softly.

"Why would you do that, Homura?" Jyushimatsu whimpered, resting his head on her shoulders. "I thought you were better than that."

Homura awoke.