For Just A Moment

An Idea*

There's something stuck
Lodged in my throat making my
Whole body lose control

I feel it scream in the pounds
Of my heart
A steady stream of chaos

I feel it in music
Of the thoughts
Of a mind that's gone
Brain dead

And it's all because tiny
Invisible letters
Decided to take shelter
In my unspoken promises

I am breaking at the weight
Of something that was never done
Plans that fell apart
Along with every thing that held me together

How can it,
A single idea,
Make me come crashing down
First it is the small things
The awkward pauses
And stares that last forever
In a span of seconds

Every single one boiled into my skin
And I swear everyone can see
The giant marks my anxiety leaves on me

These scars that I try so hard to hide
Cause Pulling at my sleeves,
never realizing
That I glued them on
Twitching and gasping to be let free
Of something I caused to cover, the secrets.
The secrets I placed there with lies

I watch in horror as my play comes
To a close
And all that is left are scared eyes
Memorizing every move I made
And I pray I can run faster
Then the pity that chases me away

Constantly confused why my brain was wired
This way
But if I try to think about too much
I get tangled in my own voices
A never ending trap of
My homemade web

I have been driven crazy
By just the idea
That I am.