Beauty and the Beast

chapter 7- It Made Me Do Things

I did it I told him my answer. Now I'm at home not knowing what to do i feel lost like i don't know what to do next nothing really happened when i gave him my answer he just was kind of like "oh ok that's your answer thanks for telling me"  *hug*

Well that's how i thought it went at least. lots of things go on in my head so i think i made it happen in the most bland as possible to keep my emotions neutral so i don't have to feel anything until gram gets better.

Back to my answer. I said yes. I told you how i saw it go. I've had a couple relationships. seriously who hasn't? I'm a senior. the only thing i kept is my virginity honestly not ready to give that up to a retarded teenage boy. That's mine and i am NOT excited about sex like everyone else it just seems pretty gross to me. I'm also scared to but yeah. Harry seemed pretty happy i was just trying to get back home. When i got home she was asleep i made sure her chest was moving and now I'm in my room over thinking everything like usual. I was slowly falling asleep but i jolted myself up. I cant sleep. I cant sleep. Something might happen if i fall asleep. I look at the clock 1:30am just 5 more hours and i have to go to school. I got a call later today cause I wasn't at school the past couple of days and i got in trouble cause i dont have a doctors note or some shit. I think I should just read or something. Maybe go eat some chips. Oooooooh or both. Yeah both sounds good. 

After I got chips I grabbed The Fault In Our Stars off my bookshelf and started reading sweeping chips off my book once in a while. After Augustus told her he loved her i looked up at my clock 5:50am close enough. I get up and get ready. I put on a rolling stones shirt. Black skinny jeans. And converse with my back jacket over. I never put much effort because I like being comfortable. I straightened my hair and put eyeliner on. I walked into my grams room. She was sleeping.

"Gram I'm going to school I love you and I will be back later" I whispered she grunted in response.

I kissed her forehead and walked out the door. Locking it in the process. My car is in the parking lot. Thanks to Harry but I still dont trust her yet so i think im gonna walk.

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Its lunch period and I'm sitting in the middle of the hall way feeling like my whole body is just nothing. I saw Harry in first period. And we talked a little. Well he was trying to make me feel better. It was working a little bit but then we had to part ways. Now I'm here. I don't want to go into the lunchroom and talk. So this is fine. Y pull my legs to much chest and hug them closing my eyes. I'm so fucking tired but i cant fall asleep. Gram might die. Or the dreams will just come back. I hear someone walking down the hallway but i ignore it until it stops in front of me. I look up and its Harry.

"What are you doing here, Love? I've been looking for you everywhere"

"Well you found me" He sits next to me and puts his head on my shoulder. 

"Whats wrong?" He wraps his arms around me tugged me closer. I feel safe I lean my head back on the wall and let out a huff.

"Everything. Every things wrong"

"Everything as in?"

"Even if i told you what I was going through or what I went through you wouldn't understand. No one ever understands"

"I might"

"Key word: Might"

"Is it that you don't trust me" Hes wrong that's not it that's never it. If i tell anyone they laugh. They don't understand.

"That's not it. I just don't want to bring you in with me"

"In where?"

"The hole" I didn't mean to say that. I didn't want to say that it makes no sense to him at least. He lets go and sits up and stares at me. I stare at him back. Why the fuck cant i controll my own mouth once in a while.

"You were dead weren't you?" Now its my turn to be confused. 

"You were gone from the world. Far away and didn't know what to do" How does he know how that is?

"How do you know how it feels?"

"I've seen it in your eyes before. And I've been there too"

"Did it make you do things?" That's all i want to know. I want to know that I wasn't crazy I wasn't the only one who couldn't control my self harm or the way i treated everyone around me.

"All it made me do was drink and get high until I couldn't feel them anymore. And it made me treat everyone like shit" The only thing I liked there was how he treated everyone. It didn't make him try to kill himself though.

"It made me do things Harry" 

"What kind of things?" I opened my mouth to tell him the story but the bell rang. The halls flooded with students. We got up together and looked around. 

"Harry Bro!" Harry looked around trying to find the souce of his name. I kept my head was down though.

"Hey man! Wanna walk to class?" Whoever it was asked Harry. I looked at Harry and at the guy. He was pretty hot. He had tattoos along his arms and blonde hair stuck up in random places and beautiful blue eyes. He also had an Irish accent. It was hot but i didn't want to be here.

"I'm gonna go" I mumbled and walked off as fast as i could to my next class.