OUR LOUD MINDS → bts fanfiction

Chapter Thirteen

☁︎

Anna

"It's not that complicated," I repeated, desperately trying to contain myself.

"I know. All I'm trying to comprehend is why, that's all," Namjoon replied, seeming equally frustrated.

But we were both holding back. This new arrangement was still in a delicate stage.

"'Why?'" I repeated.

"Yes."

I bit on my tongue, taking in a deep breath.

"Namjoon, the reasons are listed, right here. In the text book," I told him.

He groaned and shook his head, putting down his pencil.

"You really think that this modern made list of reasons cover it all? This isn't just a matter of trading overseas and inland. This has to do with human nature," Namjoon said.

I took in another breath. This made our third lesson at Namjoon's house. And in the times we'd met, it was quickly becoming obvious why he had such low points in history.

"This isn't philosophical subject, Namjoon. This is just history," I reminded him. "What we're learning are solid facts, not some psychological nonsense."

"That doesn't sit well with me. If I can't understand it, then I can't learn it," he said matter-of-factly, as if he was some little kid stating an ultimatum.

I grit my teeth as he crossed his arms and leaned back in a sort of defiance.

"Why are you trying to complicate this so much?" I asked, exasperated. "This is why you're failing History!"

The spark of passion in Namjoon's eyes suddenly flickered, and he quickly looked down as it dimmed. I immediately began to feel slightly guilty. But why did he have to act so hurt? It was the truth. And how else was I supposed to get it across? Still, I began to fiddle with the ring on my finger, twisting it as an awkward air of silence descended on us. I knew he was bent on passing this class, but why was Namjoon so defeated-looking, at even the idea of failing?

"We should continue," I said softly.

Namjoon cleared his throat and nodded. It was a slightly unfamiliar feeling; I wanted to say sorry. However, I didn't know how.

"Namjoon?" A voice suddenly called from the floor below.

I looked at Namjoon in surprise. No one had ever shown up before while we studied. I was startled by the look on his face. It was almost a look of fear. That was an emotion he'd never shown.  Then he cursed under his breath.

"Uh, Anna, I'm sorry...remember how I said I didn't want anyone to find out about this?" Namjoon's voice was low and panicked.

I nodded.

"Great. So if you could just stay here, and make no sound whatsoever?" He looked at me pleadingly.

"...Okay, sure," I said, confused by his sudden demeanor.

"Thanks," he whispered, hopping up and practically racing out the door.

As it slammed shut behind him, I sat there in stunned silence. What had just happened? Tilting my head with a frown, I attempted to hear anything going on downstairs. But only a quiet ensued. I tapped my fingers on the table, feeling extremely uncomfortable, as if I'd stumbled upon some family's private situation. Is that was this was? Had that been Namjoon's mother?

Why had he acted to so tense, then? Was he really that ashamed of having a tutor? So ashamed, he didn't even think to pretend I was at least a friend? I sighed and glanced at my watch. About five minutes had passed. Soon enough, another five passed, then ten. And before I knew it, I'd been sitting alone in his room for more than twenty minutes.

What is he doing? I wondered in slight annoyance. Feeling restless, and a bit more secure because of the apparent lack of action happening on the floor below, I stood to stretch my legs. It turned into me venturing around Namjoon's room. I'd guessed it was the smallest bedroom in the house, but that didn't mean it wasn't big, compared to my room at least. I didn't do anything creepy; I simply studied the few pictures he had hanging and glanced at myself in the mirror. But none of this offered enough entertainment.

If Namjoon spends most of his time here, why isn't there anything of any interest? I thought, frowning as my eyes glided over the room again. I focused on a door on the opposite side of the room. Deciding it must be a bathroom, I walked over quietly. My assumptions proved to be incorrect, however. Because, once I'd opened it, I saw it wasn't a bathroom at all, but a closet. It was still big enough to be a bathroom, but neatly hung clothes stared back at me, with shelves lining the wall to my right.

I was about to close it with a frustrated sigh, when a certain brown box on one of the shelves caught my eye. Ignis was scribbled across the front in scrawled handwriting. The characters used for the word were English letters, so I had to scour my brain for a second. But even after I messily translated it in my head, I still didn't know the meaning. Must be a different language, I concluded. I frowned at it, then back to the door Namjoon had rushed out of, nearly half an hour before.

Curiosity and boredom were two dangerous feelings for one to have at the same time. I decided I would give him that excuse if he found me. Nodding, I reached up for the tucked away box. It was yellowing and dusty, somehow making me hesitate even more. This means he doesn't care about it, though, I pointed out. I knew second guessing myself was a definite sign that this was at least slightly wrong. Curiosity and boredom.

I was sort of let down when I actually opened the box, though. Because all that sat inside were a couple of crappy notebooks. I set the box down on a lower shelf and pulled out the top notebook, feeling a lot less guilty. This was nothing. I flipped it open to a random page, finding the same scrawled handwriting, this time in Hangul. Slightly relieved, I skimmed over some of the words.

"What the..." I breathed.

Intrigued, I started at the top of the page and began to read.

I believe in me, I believe in myself
even as time passes I'll be livin' in myself
believe my faith, believe my rap.
I believe my damn voice will one day be spread.
Even if I've had times where I've questioned my dream or my existence itself.
I haven't ever questioned my voice, so real,
in my world, I am a god, not a deal.
if you're concerned with rankings, I'm
One.
How you feel babe, do you believe that you're your own master?
Are you matching well on the see-saw between reason and sense?
You want to become everything, a leader for yourself,
but you have to believe in yourself, your own leader.
Bad thoughts and pessimistic realizations,
that'll seem like it's right but you're really erasing your flavor
we can only be truly used to it when we're looking outward.
I have the Milky Way inside me but
no matter where I am or what I do
I believe I believe,
wherever I am, I will protect myself
I believe I believe...

The sound of a door slamming was what brought me out of my trance.

"Anna...?" Namjoon's soft voice filled the room.

"Uh, umm. Curiosity and boredom are two very dangerous emotions for a person to have at the same time..."

A/N (Lyrics from Rap Monster's "I Believe")

it's all starting now
(Sorry if some of this doesn't make sense, I'm in a rush cuz I'm so hyped about this^^)