OUR LOUD MINDS → bts fanfiction

Chapter Forty-Three

☁︎

Kim Namjoon

Having friends was a new experience. And a strange one. It was also very draining. Instead of staying at home or at school every waking moment, I started going out and doing more things with people. I tried better food; I listened to better music; I saw better movies. The world just seemed better. And not only did I start doing more with the people I now called my friends, but I also started doing more in general.

I found myself writing more raps and learning more about others who were famous for rapping on the internet. I even found a website and app where I could text with people who shared my interests (Anna called the group chat I was in the "nerd support group"). I even started simply going outside more. Some days I would find myself sitting on the bench I didn't even know my backyard had before to read.

Other days I would go out on walks through the neighborhood, listening to the music Anna had helped me download on my phone. I'd slip out the back door with a pair of headphones I'd found in my father's office and put them in after I was out of sight of my house. And it was during one of these walks that I happened upon a familiar face.

I was walking along, wondering how many words I could say without taking a breath, when I saw a slick red car suddenly coming at me. I let out a short gasp and stumbled backwards, but the panic that quickly soared through me made my feet sluggish and confused. Just when I thought the car would hit me, another strong force crashed into me on my side. I was shoved down into the grassy area right off the road, the heavy object still at my side.

Then I slammed into the ground, squeezing my eyes shut, the car speeding off and away, definitely over the speed limit for this quiet neighborhood. But I could barely be angry, because my heart raced and my breathing came out in quick gasps. When I finally did open my eyes, the surprise couldn't even register when I saw Kim Seokjin glaring down at me. As soon as we made eye contact, he pushed away, sitting onto the grass beside me.

I swallowed hard, placing a hand over my speeding heart as I sat up and looked around, feeling dazed.

"Are you stupid or something?!" Seokjin's voice silenced the ringing in my ear.

I let out a sigh of relief and turned to him. I supposed I must have looked crazed with fear, because his face softened ever so slightly at my gaze.

"What were you doing standing in the middle of the road?!" He continued in a bitter tone anyway.

I looked down at my shaking hands, then checked to make sure my phone and headphones were still intact. Luckily both were fine. I let out another soft breath of relief.

"Are you even listening to me?! I just saved your life! Who just walks across the street without even glancing for a car! Yah! Kim Namjoon!"

"I forgot you lived here," I murmured, looking over at Seokjin's house, which was across the street from where we sat.

Seokjin suddenly grabbed my shirt collar, yanking me towards him. His eyes were ablaze. I decided saving me had been a major inconvenience for him.

"Were you trying to get yourself killed?! Is that it?! Are you suicidal?!"

I felt my racing heart slid to a stop and my body freeze up and my fists clench. I raised my eyes to Seokjin's, suddenly feeling like I was underwater again.

Min Yoongi's emotionless eyes being illuminated by a flash of lighting and staring into my desperate ones flashed through my head.

Seokjin's question probably meant nothing. Perhaps he was just trying to snap some sense into me. Maybe words were just flying out of his mouth out of anger and annoyance. Maybe he still hated me enough to wish his questions were true. Maybe he just knew something that I didn't, or didn't want to know. But I suddenly felt angry. I felt angry that I could finally be feeling happy, satisfied. And he could come and call an accident like this "suicidal." That he could remind me of things in the past. Things I wanted to stay in the past. Seokjin didn't know anything about me, yet in his assumptions, it sounded like he did.

I abruptly pushed him away, helping myself to my feet and brushing off my back as I stood. This walk was over, and I'd only been out for less than ten minutes. But I suddenly didn't feel happy anymore.

"Yah, careful," Seokjin snapped, getting up himself. "Aren't you gonna thank me or anything?"

I turned to look at him again, wondering if I should say thank you. Anna wouldn't want me to. I knew how much she disliked Seokjin. And right now, I felt I was almost equal with her in my anger at him.

"Thanks," I muttered anyway, turning to leave.

As I stalked off, I could hear Seokjin stumble after me.

"Hold on a second," he said, catching up to me. "What were you even doing out here?"

"Walking," I answered bluntly.

"Uh, Yeah, I saw that, obviously," he snapped. "I meant 'why?'"

"I felt like it."

"Right. Well, it seems like you feel like walking a lot these days."

I paused, casting him a confused glance. His eyes widened after a moment, and he turned away in annoyance.

"It's not like I watch you walk around; I've just noticed whenever you go by my house, sheesh," he explained in a huffy voice.

I ignored his quick excuses, not caring what he was up to at this point. Kim Seokjin seemed to get angry a lot and easily. I wondered if maybe he was bothering me out of revenge for Anna coming to sit at my lunch table finally. Or maybe he just felt like bothering me out of boredom. Either way, he ended up following me all the way home. When I realized how far we'd come, I spun around to confront him in some way.

"Do you need something?" I finally spoke again.

He stopped saying whatever he'd been saying and blinked at me. Seokjin looked confused for some reason. He turned to see my house looming over us, then turned back to me.

"Uh, no," he said, uncharacteristically quiet.

"Alright then. Goodbye," I murmured, turning back around to go inside.

Seokjin didn't say anything else. So I walked inside, completely forgetting to go in the back door. As soon as I stepped inside, my mother was in front of me, a frown on her firm face. I jumped slightly, letting out a breath in surprise. Her eyes narrowed at me.

"Uh, M-mother," I mumbled, awkwardly bowing while trying to take off my shoes.

"Where have you been, Namjoon-ah?" she asked coolly.

I swallowed hard, wondering why she sounded colder than usual.

"I just went for..." I raised a hand towards the door behind me, "...a walk."

"What are these?" She asked, barely letting me finish speaking.

My mother held up crumpled papers, looseleaf it seemed, that had obviously been roughly ripped from a notebook. My stomach dropped then, my heart stopped beating. My fingers grew cold and I suddenly felt like I was suffocating. My mother was holding remnants of my latest rap.

☁︎
unedited.