OUR LOUD MINDS → bts fanfiction

Chapter Twenty-Two

☁︎

Namjoon

"Absolutely not. Never. That's insane," I spewed, stomping through the damp grass.

"Namjoon!" Anna called to me in frustration. "Come on, I know you want to!"

"You've got to be kidding, Anna. Don't you know anything about me by now? Don't you know that this is the exact opposite of a good idea for me?!"

"Calm down, Namjoon. You were just at a party, weren't you? I know you enough to realize that is the opposite of a good idea for you," she snapped.

"Exactly, a party! I went to a party! I've already pushed through un-pushable limits. I've had enough for one night. Maybe even the rest of my high school career," I told her, my voice growing softer.

We fell silent, and her suggestion ran through my head again. I wouldn't tell her, but it sounded so tempting. I wanted to go so badly. Another thought occurred to me.

"How...how did you even know about Ignis?" I asked slowly.

"I did some research..." she said. "It was the name on the box. It was a guess...Namjoon..."

I finally turned around to her again. With a sigh, I crossed my arms.

"What?"

"I know it's against whatever rules you've set-- you're parents have set for you...but don't you want to go? At all?" Anna stepped closer, looking almost desperate. "You've been before, haven't you? What's so wrong with going again, for like fifteen minutes. We can just step in then out."

I sighed again and shook my head firmly.

"Oh, come on, Namjoon. This is seriously ridiculous," she said in exasperation. "You're seventeen, aren't you? You aren't exactly a kid anymore."

"But...Anna...I just..." I bit my lip, trying to think up some sort of excuse.

But nothing came to mind. Because I didn't want it to.

"Fine. Fine, all right," I said softly. "We'll just step inside for five minutes, okay?"

"Ten?"

"Don't push it."

☁︎

We took a bus to get into the city, with me taking in shaky breaths the whole way. When I wouldn't get off the bus at the end of our drive, Anna had to peel my hands off of the metal pole I gripped tightly. She called me a baby, and we moved on through the bright and busy streets. Here, Anna seemed to be more in her element. She looked around with wide eyes, almost in surprise. I had to tug her shirt every now and then so we wouldn't get separated, since she would begin to wander off without paying much attention. She seemed almost genuinely happy.

"You've been to the city before, haven't you?" I asked.

"Hm?" She replied, finally turning to look at me.

"I asked if you've been to the city before?"

"Of course, I have. I'm not some hermit," Anna replied, annoyed for whatever reason. "I just...haven't been for a while."

I tilted my head in slight confusion at this, but decided not to question further. I knew that, just like me, Anna didn't like to be asked too many questions. But that was fine, because I'd already found what we were looking for.

"We're here," I realized, suddenly breathless.

"We are?" Anna asked, following my gaze.

We both stood and stared for a moment. My heart rate began to speed up, and I could have sworn that if she listened close enough, Anna would have been able to hear it.

"Namjoon, this is a dark alley. Not an--"

"Look, Anna," I whispered, nudging her.

She sent me a glare for interrupting her, but turned more so to where I stared. We both looked at the stone staircase, that dipped down to a single door, lit by a rim light hanging above it. A flashing arrow pointed to the stairs, on it in red lights was spelled out Ignis.

"Why is this exactly what I expected?" Anna asked me. "Whatever, let's go."

She started for the steps, and made it half way down, before turning to me. I just stood there, unable to move.

"Namjoon, come on. Five minutes, remember? That's it," she reminded me.

But her words barely caught my attention. Feeling suddenly nostalgic, I couldn't help but speak up about the first time I'd been there. And the last.

"The only time I ever came here was in middle school," I said softly.

"What?" She said, walking back over to me.

"This place was the reason I started writing," I told her, biting my lip. "The reason I wanted to rap."

"Then why didn't you keep coming? Why didn't you keep rapping, Namjoon?" Anna asked me, suddenly serious again.

I stared at the ground, my eyes narrowing.

"I made the stupid mistake of telling my mom. I don't know why I thought she'd support me. She's always been telling me to try harder and do well in school, back then too." I let out a bitter laugh.

Why was I venting about all this, in the middle of this loud city? To Geum Shin Anna? It was so messed up, but somehow I knew I'd never find another moment to finally say my feelings aloud, not just written on paper.

"What did she say?" Anna asked quietly.

I sucked in a breath and finally looked up at her again.

"Let's just say I never came back here again. I shoved all of my writing into the back of my closet and forgot about it," I finished. "Which is why this was a horrible idea. I should never have come tonight, Anna."

With a shaky sigh, I turned around to leave. Anna could stay, she could do whatever she wanted. But I had to get out before the urge to step inside consumed me.

"Namjoon, wait!" She called as I began back down the side walk. "Please, Namjoon! I'm not just doing this for myself! I'm not-- aish!"

She was silent for a moment, but then I felt a hand grab my wrist and spin me around. I yanked my arm back from Anna's grip, but she held tight.

"Fine, Namjoon, you can leave. You can go all the way back to your house, shut yourself in your room again, and start studying for next week's history test again. You can go back to shoving math problems and colleges applications down your throat, and continue living the life you live now. The life that consists of a slow, suffocating, colorless death. But before you do, just let me ask you one more question."

I looked up from the arm I was trying to free, back into Anna's cold, grey eyes that were suddenly full of fire.

She asked me, "If you really love studying and dying so much, why did you keep those notebooks?"