OUR LOUD MINDS → bts fanfiction

Chapter Thirty-Two

☁︎

Namjoon

Terrible as it was, I was really, truly only crestfallen because I was alone again. I should have been used to the empty feeling of loneliness, but the thing is, when you get even just a small taste of companionship, being alone is suddenly a thousand times worse.

Yet Anna's words still left an ache in me I couldn't really explain, not just her absence. It was really over now. There was no way she would get over it. I feel as though the pity she'd probably felt for me had completely diminished now, and she'd used my ditching of the boys and her as an excuse to cut off all ties with me. I should have known before. If Anna really had wanted to be friends with me, then would she really have left so easily?

I sighed, feeling stupid for even thinking I could have friends.  Then I leaned back against the chair I was sitting on. The library seemed so much more quiet without her. Without her.

I swallowed, sitting up. Realization of some sort flooded through me. I don't think I'd ever felt more happiness than when I was with her. I don't think I'd ever smiled as widely as I'd done when I was with her.

Even the small moments, where she would be grumbling about my lack of attention to her words when she tutored me, I'd found myself biting my lips to keep the tug at the corner of them at bay.

I knew she wasn't just upset because I'd left her in the city without a ride, terrible as that was. She was mad because the very next day I'd pushed her away. The look in Anna's eyes when I'd said those words.

"I'm never going back there."

To her, perhaps it had been more than Ignis that I'd pledged never to return to. Maybe it had been more to her. Maybe it had been whatever we'd had. Maybe she thought I'd meant I never wanted to go back to a feeling of being not so isolated.

I stood suddenly, shoving back my chair loudly in the process. Then I walked out of the library without my things and headed for the cafeteria.

☁︎

I stepped inside the large lunchroom, suddenly feeling apprehensive. Perhaps I should've just waited till after school to talk to her. I licked my lips, shaking my head. I decided Anna knew me well enough to know how much more important my words would be, saying them to her in a cafeteria. Chewing my lip, I scanned over all the faces in the cafeteria, hoping to catch a glimpse of her. But Anna was nowhere to be seen from where I stood.

I frowned, knowing I would have to walk around. But I felt a bit anxious being in here. It wasn't the same as Ignis where everyone was united without a care. Here, people judged others, gave them looks of disdain without a second thought for simply stepping into their line of vision. I hated the cafeteria.

But I finally mustered up the courage to take the first step forward, until a familiar face popped up in front of me. Before I could register anything, a flash of movement passed my peripheral vision, and a sickening crack sounded in my ear. My head was jerked to the side as my vision grew spotty. I stared in shock, opening and closing my jaw to test the damage. I'd just been punched.

"Glad to finally see you, Class President," my attacker said sharply.

Seokjin shoved me against the wall, anger in his large eyes. I blinked at him in confusion, until my eyes landed on a patch of yellow and purplish skin beside his left cheekbone.

"Please remove your hands from my shirt," I said as calmly as possible, through the pain in my jaw.

This was new. I'd never been physically attacked. My breathing was slowly beginning to quicken. Was I scared? Maybe.

"I need to pay you back first," he said threateningly. "For this!"

He pointed at the bruise on his face, eyes ablaze. I wondered if anyone was planning on helping me.

"Kim Seokjin, I wasn't--"

"Shut up, Kim Namjoon," he snapped. "You're so done now."

Before I could say anything, he pulled me forward and shoved me to the floor. I hit the ground hard, surprised at his strength. If I fought back, things could get ugly for me. My parents would be very upset. A shiver ran down my spine at the ominous thought. Somehow, the image of the look in their eyes that passed through my head at that moment, was scarier than being attacked by Seokjin. I closed my eyes. Maybe if I was beaten badly enough, my mother would feel something more than disappointment and expectancy for me.

With this dark realization in mind, I stood slowly. Then I turned to face Seokjin again.

"Am I supposed to apologize?" I asked carefully.

I knew I was treading on dangerous ground. But I didn't care.

"What?" He asked me, stepping forward. "What did you just say?"

"I asked if I was supposed to apologize," I said, louder. "I'm not really sure what you want me to do."

"Yeah! I want you to apologize! I want you to get on your knees and beg for forgiveness. You actually hit me and think to slip by so easily? Just because I was quiet for a day or two?" Seokjin asked me angrily.

"You're angry just because I struck you?" I asked, crossing my arms. "Surely someone as manly and composed as yourself wouldn't get angry so easily."

Seokjin seethed, clenching and unclenching his fists. His breathing grew heavy. I knew I was really egging him on. But there was truth behind my words. I really didn't believe he'd grow so angry at such a thing.

"You know what? Fine. I'll tell you why," he continued, his face inches from mine.

He grabbed my collar again, gripping it tightly.

"You know how I feel about Geum Shin Anna. In my mind, we're already together. And you have the guts to try and get with her? I know you've been hanging out together," Seokjin said slowly, dangerously. "Don't think I don't know about her hanging out at your house. I only live across the street, Class President. I know you hit me because of her."

I stared at him in shock. He thought Anna and I were together? He thought I liked her? I stared at him. My breathing grew slow. I felt as though everyone was suddenly silent, all watching. A ringing went through my ears, probably from being punched. But I wasn't done yet either. As crazy as it was, I wanted to see how far he would go.

I wanted to see pity in my mother's eyes.

So I shoved him away.

"And what if I do like her? What if we are together?" I asked him.

A/N: I hate making Jin's character mean and violent. He's so soft and good-natured help