OUR LOUD MINDS → bts fanfiction

Chapter Forty-Six

☁︎

Anna

"I wish it rains all day."

I slowly turned around, back to the source of the clear voice. To the dimly lit stage. Maybe people were talking. Maybe everyone was screaming at the top of their lungs. Maybe no one was here at all. But I could hear none of that.

Because for me, it was completely silent. As silent as Namjoon's head when we locked eyes and touched hands. There was no sound.

"'Cuz I'd like someone to cry for me, yeah."

Except for a clear, deep voice that was so real and achingly familiar that I could drown in its warmth.

"I wish it rains all day."

I'd never felt Namjoon's pain so strongly until now.

"Cuz then people wouldn't stare at me, yeah."

And it sank to the depths of my soul.

"Cuz the umbrella would cover the sad face."

Kim Namjoon, the class president.

"Cuz in the rain, people are too busy minding themselves."

Kim Namjoon, that annoying genius who sat silently and worked hard.

"Gonna breathe a little slower
Cuz my life and my rap, they're usually too fast."

Kim Namjoon, the one who was too prideful to have a tutor.

"Now everything goes back to its place
My shadow's reflected on the sky..."

Or maybe the one who felt so worthless that having a tutor cut too deep.

"I'm standing on the darkness
Head down, to my heels."

Kim Namjoon, the one with the silent mind.

"Yeah
Slow rap
Slow jam
Slow rain
Everything slow..."

He stood there, on the stage. Looking as alone as he did when I first stepped into his large, hollow house with him that day. His sad eyes stared at the floor of the stage.

"Slow rap
Slow jam
Slow rain
Everything slow..."

It was such a paradox. Namjoon was finally up there, before a crowd of people maybe just as lonely as he was. He was finally rapping. Finally sharing his writing instead of repressing and hiding it. This was supposed to be his happiness.

"Forever rain."

But I'd never seen him more sad than I did now.

"Forever rain."

Namjoon, you're breaking my heart.

"When it rains I
Get a little feeling that I do have a friend..."

Or maybe he'd already broken it.

"Keeps knocking on my windows
Asks me if I'm doing well
And I answer, I'm still a hostage of life..."

Until I met Namjoon, I'd lived for myself. I didn't let the feeling that maybe other people were suffering far worse than I was sink in. Because I didn't want to. I hated myself. And yet I only cared for myself. Everyday was about my pain. That strange quirk I had —to know what others were thinking.

"I don't live because I can't die
But I'm chained to something."

I was the most selfish person in the world, but at the same time, I somehow carried everyone else's cares on my shoulders.

"Just like you
If I could
Just knock on somewhere."

But then I met him.

"If I could kiss
The whole world so hard
Would someone welcome me
Maybe embrace my weary body?"

And suddenly someone else's pain was more important than my own.

"Please don't ask any questions
But do keep pouring forever..."

It was Namjoon who looked into my eyes and didn't stop. He was the one who took hold of my hand to bring me out of myself and into the arms of beauty in the world.

"I'm not lonely when you're pouring
Please stay by my side."

I only wished that I could show him the happiness he'd given me.

"Wanna live in the ashy world
I know that there's no forever."

And his words sank into me, enveloping my whole being. I felt cold with the melancholy words he spoke, but warm with the deepness of his voice. I knew he was singing about the length of his dark days, and the shortness of his good ones.

"When it rains, it pours.
When it rains, it pours.
It pours."

I wanted to be the one who could give him more good days. Just like how he'd given me more.

"Forever rain."

But I didn't know how.

A/N:
"Forever Rain" makes me cry guys.