OUR LOUD MINDS → bts fanfiction

Chapter Sixteen

☁︎

Namjoon

As soon as I'd lifted the box off of my closet shelf, I began to chew on my lips. Frowning, I slowly turned around to Anna, who stood behind me expectantly. She raised her eyebrows, as if to say "well?" Extremely hesitant, I begrudgingly handed over the old shoe box. She grabbed it from me and scurried over to my bed to sit. I stood, stunned, for a second. Her personality was so unpredictable. One minute she's completely ignoring you, then next she's shooting dagger at you with her eyes, and still the next she's hopping around and pestering you to talk to her. I shook my head and went to sit at the table.

"What does...this mean, anyway?" Anna asked, pointing to the Latin word on the box.

"Ignis?" I asked.

"Yeah, that."

"It means fire," I told her softly, feeling slightly embarrassed.

She tilted her head and nodded. I bit my lip again and tried to focus on the book I was reading, trying to ignore the fact that someone was reading all my deepest feelings. Am I crazy? Why would I show her? Geum Shin Anna? Out of everyone on this earth? I looked at her again, starting to feel panicked. She slowly began to open the box. I winced as she removed it completely.

"Stop!" I exclaimed suddenly.

She froze and looked to me with confusion.

"What?"

Wincing again, I forced myself to stand and run over to the bed where she sat. Anna sighed as I sat beside her.

"I thought you were reading?" She said, seemingly annoyed.

"How can I read when someone's holding a piece of my past in their hands?" I asked her, completely serious.

She was silent, but her eyes asked "really?" As if I was being ridiculous. Maybe I was, but this was slightly intimidating for me.

"Just go on." I ushered her attention back to the notebook. "Quickly get it over with."

Anna shook her head and looked into the old box. I watched her, surprised as her eyes lit up, ever so slightly.

"Oh? So you kept the 'trash'?" She asked me.

I nodded, knowing she was referring to the notebook I'd dramatically thrown out the other day. As she opened it, I couldn't help but hold out a hand to stop her.

"What now?" Anna was obviously getting aggravated.

I clenched my fists and stood up, hurrying back over to the table.

"I can't look," I admitted.

She ignored me, finally flipping open the book, going through my lyrics. I watched her carefully scan the words, her face barely changing. I forced my eyes to the book in my hand, but they always found their way back to Anna, trying to find any sort of reaction.

"How is it?" I asked after a while.

Anna was now sitting on the floor, her back against the bed. She blinked before looking up at me, as if she'd been engrossed in reading. I flushed with slight pride, but forced it away.

"Hm?" She asked.

"I said, how is it?" I repeated.

Anna tore her eyes away from the page, turning to look at me again. Her icy eyes looked different, somehow, and I couldn't place what emotion they conveyed. But the look made me feel so vulnerable. I wondered if I'd made a complete, stupid mistake.

"Why did you stop?" She asked instead.

"I..."

I paused before answering. Her words had sounded so genuinely curious, almost desperate, as if it made no sense for me to have stopped. She'd already asked me this, but for some reason, I felt like this was the first time she truly wondered why.

"Studying..." I answered, my voice sounded so small and insincere.

"I don't believe you," Anna replied bluntly.

"Well, that doesn't matter. It's true anyway," I retorted.

Anna stood.

"Let me ask you this, Namjoon," she demanded. "Have you for any moment of your life enjoyed studying? More than anything?"

I was quiet. We both knew the answer, but I didn't want to say. What made her think she had a right to pry like this? So I showed her a few of my lyrics, and suddenly she thought I would just answer all of her deep questions? I shook my head and stood up, approaching her again.

"This was a mistake," I said softly, gathering the notebooks.

"Namjoon..." Anna said, sounding frustrated.

I ignored her, closing my box and taking it the closet. I shoved it back into the same dusty corner, closing the door tightly. I paused for a moment, taking in a deep breath. But I didn't exhale. I couldn't, not after being shut up again.

"Fine. I'll go," Anna's voice sounded behind me, just as cold as the first day she spoke to me.

I swallowed and turned to face her again. She'd turned around, gathering her things. She didn't have to be upset; I'd shown her more, hadn't I? Anna walked out, and I didn't stop her this time. My parents weren't home, thankfully. But after the door closed behind her, I collapsed onto my bed and stared up at the ceiling. I wondered, are things going to return to how they were before? I wasn't sure if I wanted them to or not.

☁︎

Anna

I texted Namjoon as I stepped into his large front yard that I would take the bus home. It seemed he'd forgotten he was my ride to and from school. I shook my head and let out a sigh of frustration. I wondered just how boring of a life he had, how stuffy a life he had.  So stuffy, he was afraid of even writing something other than homework. I didn't know why his problems frustrated me so. Maybe it was because I could sort of relate? I felt suffocated at times, but I had no way of releasing my emotions. Namjoon had found a way, and I wanted him to keep using it, perhaps because it gave me hope that I could find a way to release my emotions, too.

Not to mention how interesting the whole thing was.

As soon as I got home, I quickly greeted my mother and ran upstairs to my room. Throwing my bag onto my bed, I slid into the chair at my desk and turned on my lap top. But when I'd gotten online, I realized I had no idea what to search. I leaned back and twisted my ring, considering my options for a moment. Finally, on a whim, I typed in ignis rap. Not surprisingly, nothing of much significance popped up. I squinted my eyes in thought. Then tried again. But Ilsan ignis didn't bring anything up either.

I groaned and leaned back in my chair.

"What am I doing?" I asked myself aloud, rubbing my eyes.

I sat straight again and stared at the screen. I decided to try one last thing. Ilsan Ignis rap. I began to chew my lips as the page loaded, probably a habit I'd begun to pick up from Namjoon. I sucked in a breath when the page finally showed up.

"Ignis underground hip hop venue...?" I read slowly.

I couldn't really do anything with this information, but I was somehow satisfied. I'd heard the phrase before, 'underground hip hop', but never explicitly stated on a computer screen. The first thing that popped into my head after reading this was I should ask Namjoon. But I paused, wondering if he would want to talk to me.

It seemed we were back to where we started.