FOUND [COMPLETED]

LVI

Beyoncé

We've been home with the twins for almost a month and everyone's still learning to adjust. Luckily for my older kids, their bedrooms are on the opposite side of the house so it's rare that a baby crying will wake them up. Jay and I aren't as fortunate, and have been alternating shifts throughout the night. I'm so thankful for my husband, it would be almost impossible trying to do this without him.

I can't believe we have five kids now. Five. Nearly a year ago we only had Blue with us, and now we have a house full of kids and babies. Two teenagers, an eight year old, and two newborns. Jay and I definitely have our hands full.

It's crazy how everything can change within a year.

I can't complain though, I love each and every one of my children with all my heart. They're my light. Singing and entertaining will forever be my passion, but being their mother tops everything. All of the chaos, tears, fights, attitudes and stress are worth it when I hear my babies call me 'mommy' and say 'I love you.' The same goes for Jay. I love that man with everything in me; we've gone through hell and back over the course of our relationship. I've never doubted our love though. I've always known we'd end up together, despite everything we've been through. And here we are.

"What you thinking about?" I heard from behind me.

I looked up and smiled. "You. Us. Everything." I said. Jay nodded and I moved over to give him some space to sit down. I was lounging on the couch outside on our balcony, enjoying some rare downtime for myself. Jay had been on daddy duty for the night and I was kid free.

"Why you so far away?" Jay asked me.

"This is where I've been sitting." I said laughing. He shook his head and pulled me onto his lap. I lightly smacked his shoulder. "Why did you do that?" I smiled.

Jay kissed me slowly and I sighed. "Because I love my baby and I want to be close to you." He said. "Am I wrong for that?"

"I guess not." I smiled.

"You guess not?"

"Shut up." I laid my head on his shoulder and traced my fingers up and down his arms. He was wearing a Brooklyn jersey so I could easily outline his biceps. Damn, he was fine as hell. I'm pissed I can't have sex for a couple more weeks, but I'll just have to deal for now.

"How you feeling about everything?" Jay asked.

"I'm tired, but happy." I said smiling. I sat up and looked at him. "The twins have me exhausted as hell, but it's all worth it. All the sleepless nights, my sore boobs, the crying, everything is worth it. I love them so much, Jay. I'm so in love with them."

Jay smiled and kissed my cheek. "I feel the same. Minus the sore boobs part." He said smiling. I rolled my eyes. "Hey, if I could breastfeed for you I would."

"I know you would." I laughed and grabbed his face, pecking his lips a few times. "I love you baby, so much." I said.

"I love you too Bey. You know that girl." Jay rubbed my thighs and stared at me. "You're so beautiful, smart, and kind, I don't how the hell a nigga got so lucky. On top of that, you gave me four beautiful baby girls. I didn't think I could love anyone as much as I loved you until you had them. I couldn't be more thankful. You really changed me for the better."

I just smiled. I knew it I said anything I'd start crying. My hormones were still all over the place and I couldn't hold anything in.