Star crossed | Chanbaek - Baekyeol |

Pain

Chanyeol couldn't believe he had succumbed into letting Baekhyun live with him. Here he was, opening the door for him to walk into the home he had learned to love on his own.
Baekhyun walked into the apartment slowly, looking around at the luxurious interior. It looked completely different from the apartment they shared four years ago. It looked bigger, grander, and more expensive. The walls were painted a dark crimson with black curtains draping to the floor on the rods placed above the cieling to roof windows. Through the windows you could see a beautiful view of the city, and it gave the room a feeling openness.
Baekhyun turned to look at Chanyeol, who had been caught staring by his quick glance. Chanyeol averted his eyes away, his heart beating fast wth adrenaline. However, Chanyeol knew that even though those docile eyes could sparkle all they wanted, his racing heart won't forget what Baekhyun had done to him. That sole thought was enough for him to turn around completely, he had to do something to not look at the boy. Chanyeol closed his eyes and tilted his head down to the side.
" There's a door to your far left, go into that room. That'll be your room. I wake up at 8:00 everyday and leave the house by 9:00, I don't want to see you at all." Chanyeol said as calmly as he could, however his breath was running marathon. Chanyeol knew he wouldn't be able to keep up the act, so he started walking to his own room. However, Baekhyun, with that ever so sweet voice, the one that tainted Chanyeols innocence, the one that had become Chanyeols small piece of heaven, spoke up.
" Chanyeol wait! I still have to explain myself!" Baekhyun said walking towards Chanyeol. Chanyeol eyes started to widen as he realized the situation. His eyes widened even more with anxiety, and he could feel his breath racing. He was starting to have a panic attack.
" Baekhyun, I swear to god if you don't leave I don't know what I'll do." Chanyeol began, covering his bulging eyes with his hand.
" Chanyeol please! Let me explain, I have so much I need to tell-"
" Can't you see I don't want to hear it?" Yelled Chanyeol, his eyes becoming those of the unrecognizable. Baekhyun staggered back, as he realized what he had done. His own eyes began to widen, except his filled with tears. Chanyeol began to walk towards his room, knocking things over on his way to his room.
Once Chanyeol had gotten to his room, he slammed the door shut so fast and slid down the door. He was breathing extremely fast, and his eyes were so wide he must have exposed more than 50% of his eyeballs. The tears began to pour out of his eyes, as the pain that was deep with in him began to stab at him so fucking deep. The tears were running down his cheeks, eyebrows were now tilting down. He looked like an absolute mess, wreaked by the one who had once been his muse. His hands were making a mess of his hair, as they moved from his face to his hair, then grabbing a pillow from his bed and bringing it up close to him. Somehow he found himself in the corner, with his eyes wide as ever, crying his tears out yet covering his mouth with his hand to avoid being heard.
" Why the fuck did you do this to me" he asked through the sobs. He was asking god, Baekhyun, even his mom for giving birth to him and to this misery. He looked everywhere, trying to find consolation, but only hugged in the pillow tighter. How he wish with all his heart that the pillow could have been someone he had loved, because he didn't know how to get through this situation alone. He didn't know if he would be able to get through this mistake without going back to that bastard. And he hated himself so much for it.
      Baekhyun, however, had found himself in the room Chanyeol had ordered him to go to. His eyes half closed, trying to take in the situation.
      "He must really hate me" he said to himself. He knew there wasn't much purpose to his life. It felt almost as if he was only destined to fail, like there wasn't anything for him to lose because he had lost everything already.
    However, he wanted to swear by, that at least Chanyeol was still his. But he knew far too well that that would not be the case. Chanyeol was the last person he wanted to see, especially in the situation he was in. He had promised himself to comeback for Chanyeol, but how was he supposed to comeback when he had failed everything and here was Chanyeol, somehow doing everything better?
    However, he saw the pain Chanyeol was suffering. He knew he had hurt him more then he had intended to. But why did it seem like Chanyeol had completely lost all the love he remembered in his memories? Did Chanyeol absolutely despise him? Did he want absolutely nothing to do with him.
    Baekhyun realized the tears running down his cheeks at the thought that Chanyeol had stopped loving him, but what the fuck did he expect? Who was he trying to fool, thinking that suddenly abandoning the only person who loved him back, would stay attached to him? He knew he could cry all he wanted, he knew he could yell so many "I love you"s but none of those would bring back someone as hurt as Chanyeol. It depressed Baekhyun so god damn much, because all he could think about was Chanyeol.
    He knew he didn't deserve anything good m, he knew his damned fate wouldn't allow for him to actually enjoy something in his life, but god damn it was it too hard to ask for one bit of joy? All he wanted was something to help him get through this horrid depression, the one that had been with him the minute his parents died, and yet it seems like the only way to end it was through death.
     All he wanted was Chanyeol back. All he wanted was to be able to love him back, and he was so god damn close, just a room way. It pained him so much as he felt his forsaken heart clench, he felt such a terrible agony.
    That pain picked his feet up to go slowly towards Chanyeols room. As he got closer, he walked slower and softly. Wiping the tears off his fast as quietly as possible, he then knocked lightly on the door. After no response he knocked louder and walked in when he had yet to receive a response. He found Chanyeol sleeping in a corner on the floor with a pillow being embraced.
       Baekhyun walked over, looking at the sight of the guy. His heart was crying with joy, it almost felt like a crime watching this. Was he allowed to do this? Should he be doing it? Probably not, but Baekhyun felt like he was obligated to at least put him in his bed.
     As he tried to take the pillow away and pick up Chanyeol by the arm, a hand grabbed his shirt. Baekhyun looked down to see Chanyeol grabbing shirt still asleep, and he witnessed as Chanyeol pulled him down, and embraced him like he did with the pillow.
     That was the limit for his tears however, as they began to spill at the moment. He heard Chanyeol mutter "warm", and he could not stop crying. He knew that Chanyeol had no idea what was going on, but Baekhyun knew far to well, and it pained him so much that Chanyeol could hurt him like this.
     Baekhyun was being tormented with the nostalgia of Chanyeols arms, his amazing they felt, the countless nights those arms were wrapped around him. He remembered how he belonged only to Chanyeol, and how he knew there would never be anyone like him.
    With the tears streaming down his cheeks, he slipped out of Chanyeols embrace and pulled him into his bed. He wrapped his blankets around him, looking at the person who had helped him once cope with his terrible disorders and depression.
    He promised himself that he would only love him, and no one else. That would be the only way payback his sin. He would not love anyone else, and he would watch Chanyeol fall in love, get married, have children, and even die, even if it meant that he would do it all with another person. Baekhyun could not bear living with anyone except Chanyeol. He would promise him that much.
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I know this chapter was pretty short, but I didn't want to continue it because I wanted it to concentrate around their grievances. It's obviously not everything, but I revolves around the pain they thought they had forgot but is resurfacing. I'll post another chapter soon to make up for it ~ D