AMELIAS POV
I finished my surgeries for the day and went to change. I met Mer in the hall.
"Can you stay at my house again?" She asked.
"I'm fine," I said.
"It would make me feel better," she said.
"Fine, let me stop by the trailer first okay," I said.
"Okay," she said. I finished the last of my charts and checked on my patients. I walked out of the hospital and got in Owens truck. It felt so weird without him. I drove to the trailer and grabbed some clothes. The bed was still unmade from when Owen and I got up. There was a note on the his end table. I sat down on the bed and picked up the piece of paper.
Amelia,
I love you so much. I promise I will come back and we will have a life together with Derek and hopefully many more kids. I know I'd get too emotional if I said this all out loud so I wrote it here for you. I'll be sending you letters soon and you can write me back. I love you, and open the draw. :)
I put the note down and opened the draw (draw, drawer, I call it a draw lol sorry - a/n)
and there was a picture of Owen and I in a pretty frame. I put it right next to the note. I miss him so much. I realized I'm not okay. I didn't feel happy today. I looked down at my wrist. I had a faded scar on my wrist. I laid back on the bed. I started crying. I can't go down that road again. Someone opened the door.
"What's wrong?" Meredith asked. I rolled over and looked at her. I pulled my sleeve over my wrist. I got up and hugged her.
"I'm not okay," I cried, "he makes me happy and I'm miserable."
"I know honey," she said, "I know."
"Mer I need help," I said.
"We can all help," she said. I stepped back and looked at her.
"There's a bag of oxy in my pocket and I thought about it today," I cried, "the only thing that stopped me was this baby."
"Amelia...." she hugged me.
"I'm miserable," I said.
"Why don't we talk about fun things," she said. We both sat down.
"Like what?" I said.
"The baby," she said, "also give me the oxy." I gave her the bag and she put it in her pocket.
"I'll get rid of it," she said, "anyway, do you have a name?"
"We haven't really told anyone, but I'm naming him after Derek," I said.
"I love it," she said.
"Owen and I are gonna buy a house when he gets back," I said.
"You guys are gonna be such a cute family," she said.
"Owen wants 4 kids," I laughed.
"And how do you feel about that?" She laughed.
"It feels like a lot," I laughed, "but I love him."
"He's crazy about you," she smiled.
"I'm crazy about him," I said, "it's not fair."
"I know," she said, "I know everything about stuff being not fair."
"Yeah," I said, "he could be dead right now."
"Don't think like that," she said.
"It's really hard," I said.
"I can imagine," she said.
"I'm ready to go," I said. We got up and she hugged me. I grabbed my bag and locked the trailer. I got in her car and left Owen's truck at the trailer. We got home and Maggie had already out the kids to sleep.
"Hey guys," she said.
"Hey," we said.
"I'm gonna crash upstairs," I said.
"Amelia?" Maggie asked.
"Yeah?" I said.
"It's 7," she laughed.
"You can't push us out," Meredith said.
"I know," I said.
-
I was laying in bed upstairs. I crawled under the covers and curled into a ball. I had one of Owen's blankets over me. I softly cried into my pillow. I'm so scared he won't come back. I'm so scared he's going to die or get hurt. I'm afraid my child won't have a father and I won't get married. I heard my door open. Bailey came and jumped on the bed. I whipped my tears and sat up.
"I heard you were sad, so I brought a couple of my friends to cheer you up!" He said. I smiled. He showed me his stuffed cow. He put it in my lap and had his train in one hand.
"My cow doesn't like it when people cry," he said, "he also says moo!" He laughed. I kissed the top of his head.
"And what about mr.train?" I said.
"He helped my cow get here, I'm still training him how to walk," he said. I have the cutest nephew ever.
"Mommy said you were sad," he said, "you don't look sad."
"That's because you're here, you make me happy," I said. He smiled. I started tickling him. He started laughing.
"I'm ticklish!" He said. I stopped ticking him and he crawled into my lap.
"Wanna watch a movie?" I asked.
"Yeah!" He said.
"Okay why don't you put your pajamas on okay?" I said.
"Okay!" He said. He put his pajamas on and I went downstairs. Meredith and Maggie were in the kitchen. I pulled my hair into a ponytail and sat down next to Maggie.
"Doing better?" She asked.
"Yeah I'm alright," I said. Bailey came downstairs.
"Can we have ice cream?" He asked.
"You have to ask your mom," I said.
"Mommy can I have ice cream?" He asked. I picked him up and kissed him head.
"Yes you can," she said. We all ate ice cream on the couch together. Bailey started to get tired.
"Aunt Amelia I'm tired," he said yawning.
"I'll take him upstairs," I said.
"Okay," Meredith said. I carried him upstairs.
"Goodnight Bailey," I said.
"Goodnight," he said. I tucked him into bed and kissed his forehead. I closed his door and went downstairs. I walked downstairs. My phone started ringing.
"Mer can you see who it is?" I asked.
"It's Owen," she said. I grabbed my phone and answered it.
O-Owen
A-Amelia
A: hello?
O: Amelia?
A: yes?
O: they're taking our phones now but I just wanted to tell you how much I love you
A: I love you too
O: I miss you so much already
A: I know, I miss you too
O: I have to go I'm sorry I love you
A: I love you too, please don't go
O: I'm sorry
A: I love you
O: I love you too
The phone got all static. I hung up and sat there quietly.
"Amelia?" Meredith said. I broke down crying. I can't take him not being here. She put her arm around me.
"Is he ok?" Maggie asked.
"He's fine," I said.
"That's good," Maggie said.
"Yeah," I said.
-
My alarm went off. I rolled over expecting Owen to be here. He wasn't. I hit snooze and fell back asleep. 5 minutes later my alarm went back off. I turned it off and got up. I walked downstairs in my pajamas.
"Did you sleep?" Meredith asked, "Maggie had to go into the hospital last night."
"I kinda slept," I said.
"Okay," she said handing me coffee.
"I'm okay to go home," I said.
"Amelia?" She asked.
"Yeah," I said sipping my coffee.
"Did Owen know about the oxy," she asked.
"No, and can we keep it that way," I said quietly.
"Yes," she said. I sat there quietly. She turned around.
"Stay strong for him," she said.
"I'm trying," I said, "it's not easy." My pager beeped.
"911 can I take the car?" I asked.
"Yeah give me 3 seconds I'm coming," she said. I bolted upstairs and changed super quick and ran downstairs. Meredith was putting her coat and shoes on.
"Wait the kids!" She said.
"I'll grab Bailey and Ellis you get Zola," I said.
"Okay," she said. Bailey was playing with Ellis upstairs. I picked up Ellis and helped Bailey out his jacket on. Meredith came down with Zola.
-
AUTHORS NOTE
SORRY I WASNT ACTIVE THAT MUCH THIS WEEK WITH LONG UPDATES HOPE THIS MADE UP FOR IT!!! ALSO COMMENT SOME FEELINGS OR THOUGHTS, I READ ALL COMMENTS AND FEEDBACK IS APPRECIATED, POSITIVE OR NEGATIVE.
