*Graphic and Touchy Content*
You're sitting out on your balcony with a cigarette in between your index finger and thumb whilst listening to *The Exit by Conan Gray*. You inhale the fumes no longer thinking or caring about your tarred lungs. You have no one to stop for, and no one to care for anymore.
Your long blonde hair drifts along your face in the soft breeze. You close your eyes and drop your head back until your face is directed toward the glowing sun.
You heard the laughter from a girl, and smiled along with it, as it lifted your spirit.
That was until you heard a more familiar laugh, one that you could recognise from a mile away. You sat up abruptly and looked over your balcony to see Ethan.
You trace the outline of his body as you admire his distantly familiar posture. You feel your mouth slowly shift into a soft grin as your body fills with endorphins just from the sight of him.
He looks healthier now, it's hard to describe.
Your soft grin slowly fades as your eyes trace around his body to his arm, where you were confronted with the realisation that he wasn't alone.
As your eyes continue to trace from his shoulder, down to his elbow and through to his wrist, you see how his hands are firmly placed on the lower back of someone unfamiliar.
This curved outline is accessorised with long blonde locks, similar to yours and accompanied by the same laugh you'd heard earlier.
Your heart dropped almost as abruptly as the cigarette from your hand, as you watch Ethan playfully plant kisses on her neck whilst they walked towards Grayson's apartment.
You placed your hands in front of your jaw-dropped mouth and launched yourself back into your apartment, in the fear that he might, on the off chance choose that today was to be the day he glances in your direction and sees you gawking at the sight of him.
You felt your cheeks begin to flush hot whilst your eyes filtered your tears, you'd never felt something like this before. Your stomach felt as if it were in a knot.
Just the fucking thought of you with someone else, I can't stand it.
"No no no no" you repeat to yourself replaying the moment in your head.
"No, this is too soon. No" you continue to pant to yourself as your breath becomes shallow
"Don't do this to me" you wimped through your exhale
Your whole body feels heavy like a sack of steel had been draped across your shoulders. Your knees felt weak as you lean for your entryway table to collect your balance.
You lean your body weight against the table with your head directed to the floor. Your tears begin to paint your entryway table surface.
"I just can't do this anymore" you sob, as a switch flips in your mind.
You feel a rush of adrenaline as you lift your head from your chest and stare directly into your reflection of the circled mirror, positioned above the entryway table.
You push your weight off the table and stumble with determination towards your bathroom.
You swing the door open, accelerated with the force of your body and you lunge towards your cabinetry.
You source your blades and delicately place one between your fingertips.
"argh," you repeat in a screech before you gash continuously at your wrist.
Your fingers release the blade in pain as you watch it drop to the floor followed by the blood that poured from your arm.
