*Play Church by Chase Atlantic*
*It's been a day since you ended things with Ethan*
You feel hollow since leaving Ethan's apartment. You don't feel relieved, you don't really feel anything. You know it was right, you won't allow yourself to be used the ways you've been in the past, you're going to change.
Your headspace feels different. This was the end of you and Ethan, the complete end. New beginnings, from here on out, change of lifestyle, characteristics and job.
You moved out here as a result of your artwork and its success, you let that all go, you were too fixated on Ethan. You turned to other forms of procrastination, those of which you used too heavily, the drugs, the alcohol. It changed the way you thought, your mental health. This was a point of realisation for you. No more sadness, no more setbacks. You need to change your mindset and your ambitions, and completely erase the past year. You want to live, not just survive.
You continue to clean out your apartment, throwing out all empty liquor bottles and cigarette ashes.
"This is gonna be shit," you say as crumple the cigarettes in your hand and sprinkle them into the bin.
You spent the day clearing out your apartment, throwing away old blankets you and Ethan used to use on your night drives and up at the peak, the Christmas cards, the clothing. All of it. This was a reset.
***
You reach behind your bed frame and pull out your unfinished canvas' which you neglected over the past year. You sat in the living room going through them all, trying to pick out which ones were salvageable.
As you flick through them rapidly, you come across a canvas, which was smeared with paint.
Your heart stops for a moment as you sit back and analyse it.
It was your painting of Ethan.
"Hmm," you released, your heart feeling heavy.
"Maybe someday, we will be two people, meeting again for the first time" you whisper whilst you run your fingers across the painting.
You felt your eyes begin to well once more, as you replay the look on Ethan's face, the day previous when you walked in on him with Brooke.
"You've got to go," you say releasing a faint laugh, whilst you wiped the tears from your cheek.
You threw the canvas over the back of the couch and onto the rubbish pile.
As you continue to rush through the canvas', you can't help but feel your head gravitate back over towards the pile, as you hold your tearful gaze at Ethan's portrait.
This feeling was so intense. You knew this wouldn't be easy, but you're hurting so bad. You were ready to let him go, let him stray away, and that realisation burned into your heart.
"Bye baby" you continue as you pick up the canvas along with the rubbish bag and walk down towards the communal bin drop.
You were dressed in light blue faded mom jeans along with a mustard off-the-shoulder knitted jumper. Your hair hung loosely down your back, as you strutted down the hallway.
You walk down round the back of the complex where the bins were located, in an alleyway. You didn't like it down here, you usually would make Ethan take the bins down for you, as the alley made you uncomfortable.
You quickly drop the black bag of rubbish into the bin, eager to get back before staring at the painting once more. You watch as it drops over the edge into the bin. You let out a huge sigh before spinning in place, to make your way back towards your apartment.
