*Play Knocking On Your Heart by Maggie Lindermann*
2 weeks have passed
I don't know how to describe this feeling. Loneliness.
My heart is so tired from all this pain I just can't take it anymore.
I put my trust into someone, who walked away so easily, as if what I gave to him, wasn't valued.
The days without him, felt like there was no air for me to breathe. Ironic, I guess.
I saw it coming, he was too perfect for me. But at the same time, I never thought this world could be so cruel. But here I am. Sitting alone again. With no one.
Everything I ever cared for or loved has done me so dirty and it's pushed me to the point where I don't know if I'm afraid of never seeing you again, or seeing you again.
Everything about him, was everything I needed. His laughed warmed me in ways a jacket couldn't. Everything he did, just made me feel as if I finally made a home. Until he walked out my door without even a second look, and that's when my walls came crashing down, breaking my heart along with it.
You'd imagine physical pain to be worse that mental pain. But trust me, it isn't. Physical pain is bare-able, mental pain is madness, it's like our brains being rattled in a cage and every ounce of self love and worth had slipped out the bars and all that remains is the jumbled and fucked up chemical imbalances.
I guess you never really know how toxic someone is until your breathe fresher air. But even still, I don't know who was worse.
I just want everything to fall into place, for him to come back and tell me I was everything he needed.
Your thoughts were once again interrupted by the sound of banging on your door.
Your heart dropped as you hesitantly walked towards the door. You slowly press down on the handle and open it cautiously. You look up quickly, but no one was there. You look down either end of the corridor, still no sign of anyone, until you turn back round and see a note pinned onto your door.
"What?" You say curiously as you pull it from its pin.
"From reception?" You say confused.
"Ms Charlie joy,
Your mail slot in the foyer is full and need to be emptied before the end of the day otherwise all objects will be removed from site and disposed of" you read confused.
"Who would I be getting mail from?" You question aloud.
You quickly slide on some Uggs along with an over sized pink hooded jumper and some ripped Mom jeans before walking down to the foyer.
As you enter into the foyer you begin to walk towards your mail slot. You squint your eyes slowly as you approach it.
"There's nothing there?" You said even more confused.
You walked towards the slot and pushed your hand to the back to ensure that you didn't miss anything.
"Nothing" you say frowning your face.
You step back before swiftly turning around before you hear your name being called.
"Charlie" you heard. Your heart stopped. You know that voice.
You slowly turned your head towards the direction of the sound.
It was him... Ethan. Standing in the corner.
"We need to talk" he said beginning to walk towards you.
"No, we don't" you say feeling your heart begin to burn.
"Yes, We do." He said pulling you round the side of the entry hall.
"I saw you, the other day. You had blood all down you, What happened?" He said looking at you.
"Don't act like you care" you snap back.
"But I do" he said frowning at you.
"Then why didn't you come back" you said looking at him with your purple and red rimmed eyes.
Ethan paused and stood back for a moment. You could see tears beginning to well in his eyes.
"Because you told me to go away." He said before shaking his head, whilst looking up to the ceiling.
"And you just left" you said with a tear rolling down your cheek. "You didn't even fight to be with me" you said raising your voice.
"And now you're with her"
His eyes quickly gaze towards the ground.
"Charlie" Ethan said with a sigh.
"How else was I suppose to get over you?" He said looking back up towards you.
"You learn how to live without me. Like how I had to do with you. You don't just get a new girl to fuck after 6 weeks" you said with a stern tone.
"Well maybe that wasn't fucking working for me Charlie" Ethan said raising his voice too.
"You act like I hurt you. YOU told me to go. YOU told me to leave. So don't Fucking act like you're the only one in pain."
"BECAUSE YOU DID HURT ME" you said pushing against his chest.
"Fuck me for thinking I deserved better. All you did was let me down, just like how everyone else has. I don't know why I expected anything different from you."
Ethan looks at you, his frown becomes more sculpted before he says.
"You're so selfish. You told me to go away. And it sucks because I tried so fucking hard, and nothing I ever did or do seems good enough for anyone. Especially you."
You look at him as a tear drops from the tip of his lashes before you say.
"You never came back. If you cared about me, no matter what, you would have stayed." You say rubbing the tears from your eyes.
"I left because you told me to. I left because you said you'd prefer it that way. I left because I thought that would make you happy. I thought by doing what you want, no matter how much it hurt me and no matter how Unhappy it made me, I did it to make you happy. Because I thought that's what you wanted. I thought that's what you needed." He said with a quiver in his voice.
"All I need is you" you yell.
"What?" He said looking confused.
"Ethan" you began to try and speak before your tears took your breath away.
You cover your face with the palm of your hands whilst the tears began to flood down your cheeks.
You felt him wrap his sculpted arms around your back as he pulled you into an embrace. He rested his chin on your head as you cried into your palms.
"Nobody could replace you." Ethan said before pausing.
"I hope you know that"
You press away from his hug, whilst looking into his deep gradient eyes.
"Who is she" you asked.
"My distraction." Ethan replied pulling you in for a hug, before walking you back up to your room.
