i'm not sure whether or not i do truly know myself. i only know i feel as if no one else knows me.
am i myself? do i act like myself with others? do i act like myself alone? is the difference when i am with others the fact i am truly having fun, or perhaps i feel i need to shelter them from me?
i would like it noted i do act rather different when i am surrounded by strangers/friends/family. although i have yet to comprehend in my own mind if the way i act is only an extension of me, another side. i wish to believe is it, i'm being authentic to the people whom i meet. but reasonably, it could not be who i am. no "extension" nor is it "another side," it only isn't me in any light. an unnamed second self.
conceivably, i could be being myself. however i can never manage to erase from my mind the drastic change in which there seems to be between my attitudes.
the rarity of times when these attitudes overlap also seem alarming. if they are both sides of me, how come i never act around people as i do when i am alone and vice versa?
subconsciously i may know the world is not quite ready to see the reality bubbling inside of my head, itching to leave my body as a thunderous roar.
nevertheless, i only could be suppressing myself under the weight of the world as a method of perceiving i am not ready for the world. i am not content with all of the world to give attention to my rudimentary speeches.
s.d.
