What I Have Left

Ch.2

Picture of Cody to the side

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"I am really worried about him ,Ethan. He hasn't talked in forever and he is stick thin. I want my baby boy back. I feel like he is hiding things from us, No I know he is. It is just stressing me out. I wish he could trust us.'' I heard my mom cry to my dad as I was walking passed their room.

"I know, we have done everything. I want him back to. I want him to be happy again." My dad sighed.

I wish I could be happy again to. I thought

I slowly made my way back to my room. I got on my bed and stared up at the ceiling. I started to think of me when I was a child.

See, I always knew I was different. That I wasn't the same as others. I just didn't care room find out what it was.

When I started middle school I didn't have many friends. I wasn't much of a talker in the first place. Though Theo was there for me. At least for the time being.

I don't think I ever really look at anyone to be notice if I was gay or not. I found out I was gay by not really trying at all.

I was on this website that held blogs within it. I started my own blog just so I can follow others I like.

One day about a month in I saw that one of the blogs I was following reblog this photo. So I clicked where the photo originally came from.

I looked at the page and not only did that page hold the picture I liked but some pictures of gay guys kissing, holding hands, enjoying others company, and other... things if you get what I am saying.

I after looking though all of these pictures I realized I got hard by some of them. The strange part is that it didn't bother me. I was actually okay with this.

Getting rid of that hard on was .. ummm... hard.

Ever since then I have known I liked men. My parents don't know because How was I suppose to tell them. I don't talk.

I also don't think it is that important in the first place. I am gay so what. It isn't like I am going act on it. Who would want to kiss me, touch me, and love me unconditionally.

How can someone love me if I don't love myself.

After a while of thinking I decided to take a walk to the park. I always loved the park near my house. I liked to see others lives. I want to know what it is like for all people.

I knocked on my parents door to let them know I was going to the park.

My dad answered " Hey Noah what do you need."

I got my phone and showed him my text on the screen.

I want to go to the park for awhile. He looked at it and nodded. I then nodded back as a goodbye and went on my way.

Once I got to the park I sat by my favorite tree. The reason why it is my favorite is because when I was younger my grandma would take me to this park and we would sit under it and have a picnic.

Those are the memories I cherish the most. Those are the memories that keep me going. I know my grandma is watching over me somewhere somehow.

After a while I took in my surroundings. There was a couple on the swings talking about nothing important to me. Kids were playing on the juggle gym. While I saw ducks quacking away trying to get more bread from the old lady feeding them. Over all it was a beautiful sight.

It was of happiness in it's simplest form. Even if I just am an observer of it all , I still feel a smile on my face.

"Hey, can I sit here." I turned my head and saw Theo looking down on me.

He seems to be wanting to talk to me a lot lately. Doesn't he get that he was the one that wanted nothing to do with me.

I nodded my head anyway . I turned back to mg original position and began observing again.

"How have you been lately?" I heard him say a couple of minutes later. I turned to him and gave him a bitch, are you stupid look."Oh, yeahhhh nevermind."

I looked at him for a couple of second wondering when he was going to leave me alone, but he just sat there, like he was about to ask me something but didn't know how.

"I am sorry you know."He suddenly said as he turned toward me. I looked at him with shock. I was about to get up and leave because I was honestly tired of being lied to. He grabbed my arm and continued, " I shouldn't have stopped being your friend. I shouldn't have left you like that. Ever since I said that you have changed. When you came back freshman year you looked totally different. I couldn't help but think it was my fault. Whe-n I saw your eyes. They looked dead. You stopped talking and you looked smaller than you already were. I miss what we had and I know you might never forgive me, but I wanted to tell you. I saw you here at this park and I knew I had to say something. This was my chance. I just wanted to let you know. " He finally finished and it left me dumbstruck.

I mean yeah I dreamt of him doing this everyday ,but now I didn't know what he wanted me to do. Did he want to me to jump in his arms and be happy. Did he try think that everything was going to be better.

I knew it wasn't. I would still get beat. I would still cut. I would still not eat or talk. Nothing will be different. All this he said was bullshit and he and I both know that come Monday he will be back with Cody and the rest of the soccer team. While I stay in the background as always.

"Are you going to do anything." He asked after I didn't do anything for awhile. I just stared off with a blank look I knew I had.

I was going to do something. He just might not like it. I got up and turned fully to him. I look him dead in the eye for a moment then I slapped him.

Yes, I, Noah Avery Louis slapped Theodore James Kinder and I couldn't give a damn about it.

He looked dazed still from the slap. I took this to my advantage. I decided to run and I did run.

I ran all the way home.

Later on that night I stayed up think about what happened. I mean how did this happen. I just wanted to go to the park. That's all. Now I got into to this mess.

My ex bestfriend said he misses me. What type of friendship we had. I was so tempted to forgive him right there. I am glad I didn't . I want room show him I have some sort of power over him to. That I am not as weak as he thinks I am.

I will not let him get to me.

With that thought I went to bed.

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Hey so this the second chapter. I know some of you might think this is going fast, but trust me this is only the beginning.

Don't forget this isn't edited or anything.

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The One and Only,

Undercover