Random emo shit

Who deserves what

I used to think it was them
Their fault that I couldn't be me
Their fault that nothing was the way I wanted it
Their fault our family was falling apart.

But I was selfish
My superiority complex.
I am the reason I hate what stares back at me in the mirror.
I am the reason everything has changed.
I am the reason shouts fill the house every night

The boy I used to look up to
The one who almost had an equal part in raising me as my mother.
He was the strongest.
And now he is vulnerable,
Crumbled
Defeated.

How can you trust when the one who you were supposed to trust the most broke it?
Everything that has happened over the last few years is my fault.
The fighting. The silence. The deaths. The scars.

They didn't know the turmoil inside of me,
The pain grasping my conscience. My soul.
Squeezing and squashing.
Trying to fit me in to societies mould.

They hate the me
The me I have become to be stronger.
The real me.

Disappointment shadows them.
Whispering beneath their words.
Projecting from their eyes.

They see the mess I've made and don't think about why I made it
Don't care about the mess I'm in.
The dangerous thoughts that hide in the crevasses of my mind, taunting me everyday
The emptiness that condemns me.
Maybe I made the mess as I fell.
Or maybe it leaked out of me as I laid on the road without anyone helping.

They deserve better.
Someone who doesn't fuck up everything she touches.
Someone who will return the affection they show.