One-shits: Spirit Animals (Memes, Theories And More)

If I was In Spirit Animals

"Just one sip."
"That's some good sh*t right there. I'm going to chug it."
"You can't- and she drank it all."

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*friend gets stabbed*
"MMMM WATCHA SAY"
"We are in a serious battle, please stop."

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"It's odd. You already seem to grasp the basic knowledge of fighting. How?"
"I have an older brother."
"He taught you how to fight?"
"No, he was a whimp. Someone had to protect his sorry ass."

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"Renée, there are children around please stop swearing."
"SUCK MY-"

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"Oi, that's a lot of blood."

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"Why is it that the world is going to the sh*ts EXACTLY at the time I'm alive."

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"I want to summon a wolf."
"You can't summon a wolf."
"Well, then why don't I become a Conqueror instead and get a forced bond."
"No."

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"If you chose to be a Greencloak, you have to leave your home, family, fri-"
"Let me stop you right there. I get to travel Erdas, fight, become a warrior, not have to worry about taxes or living arrangements, I'm out of this place."
"You're going to leave us?"
"Yeah, bye!"

¤

"Where does Olvan get his coffee from?"
"I don't know ask him."
*yelling across the courtyard*
"WHERE THE F**K DO YOU GET YOUR COFFEE."
"Renée, stop."

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"I- did I just summon a comic book character?"
"No that's a wolverine."
"Exactly."

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"We need a battle cry."
"No we don't, please stay focused."
"I vote for 10 seconds of unholy screaming."

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"So, what'd you name him?"
"Naked."
"Please tell me you're lying."
"Now when people ask me what I'm going to do I can say I'm walking Naked down the street."
"That's a really good and horrible idea."

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"I got stABBED."
"Then stab them back!"

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"I hate all of you."

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"Why are there so many Conquerors??? Lke can they not be annoying??"
"Renée, we are at war with these guys. There will be a lot."
"WELL THERE SHOULDN'T BE."

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"I CAME HERE TO FIGHT AND F**K SOME SH*T UP, NOT DO OBSTACLE COURSES."
"This is to strength your bond-"
"I DON'T CARE."

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*walks into med bay*
"Everyone pls stop dying."
*walks out*
"There I cured them."

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"I want to be a Redcloak!"
"You're a Greencloak."
"But green's not a creative colour!"

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"Everyone is being possessed by a weird spiral thing, someone kill me now."

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"Oi, Zerif! Why'd you shove us into the mess hall?? It's so small?? Like give us something bigger please and thanks."
*get's punched*
"JESUS CHRIST that was uncalled for."

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"Oh sh*t waddup. I'm possessed."

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"Is that an octopus?? Made of oil?? The f*ck."

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"NO ONE TOLD ME IT COULD SUCK THE LIFE OUT OF YOU."

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"Gotta blast because I don't want to deal with this."

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"I've been through four years of hell and I haven't checked how long I've been possessed, and now you're telling me the Greencloaks are being disbanded?"

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"WHY ARE YOU ARRESTING ME. I WILL SET ARES ON YOU."

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"Why are the Greencloaks being arrested and put in Greenhaven?"
"..."
"That's stupid. You are all stupid. LET ME OUT."

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"I can not do an expedition mission alone."
"What, why?"
"Because I am GPS challenged."

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"Now use your left han- did you just check which is left and which is right?"
"Yes, now shut up."

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"I'm here to mess somethings up, drink a lot, have a fist fight, then leave who's with me?"
"Renée no."
"RENÉE YES."

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"The four fallen suck."
"You can't say that."
"YES I CAN. Legit everytime they show up something bad happens! Last week I saw Briggian and immediately stubbed me toe."
"Are you sure it wasn't because you were staring at Conor."
"Why don't you just go to hell."

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"Don't touch me."

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"Stfu before I set Ares on you."
"You named him Ares??"
"Greek god of war."
"Why can't you be normal."
"YOU NAMED A BUNNY RABBIT PHANTOM."

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*sword strikes rock*
"AAHH TOO CLOSE TOO CLOSE JFC"

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"I drink to forget but I always remember."

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"Shane sucks!"
"You literally spent the last hour talking about how Shane was misunderstood."
"And now I hate him."

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"I'm sick and tired of this."
"You just woke up."
"And I want to go back to bed."

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"How do you plan on dying?"
"In a blaze of glory. There will be parades in my honor, holidays, people will cheer- nah I'm just kidding. Probably doing something stupid."

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"We need you to go under cover at a formal."
"Do I have to wear a dress?"
"Yes."
"Then no."

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*swearing for ten minutes because I'm getting chased by bad guys*

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"I'm a heartless person. I don't cry."

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"We'll be torturing you for information."
"Kinky. Sh*t- did I say that out loud?"

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"Number one rule of self defense is to find away to get that person off of you. Renée?"
"Um, oh we're going straight to the choking. Harder Daddy-"
"I'M NEVER BEING HER PARTNER AGAIN."
"Judge me all you want but he let go."

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*takes a deep breath*
"BOI"

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Anyways another AU is almost done and about to be published, so be ready!