Buckingham Nicks-Part II of Fritz Series

Lindsey On The Couch

****A/N should have added the NSFW tag sorry. I totally spaced on that****

"And so, lord we commend our brother Morris unto you ashes to ashes earth to earth dust to dust..." my palms sweat as I drop dirt on top of Dad's coffin, Greg and Jeff do the same. I feel a hand pull at my elbow, it's Bob. I step back, and Stevie looks up at me tears on her cheeks. My mother is inconsolable Greg and Jeff have to carry her away from the gravesite one on each elbow. Barbra and Jess drive me and Stevie to my parents' house...just mom's house now.

My mother is surrounded by relatives and friends, all of whom offer their condolences. Condolences, don't bring my father back. I think this is my third or fourth scotch and it's not helping. Stevie and Sara are next to me. Sara reaches for me and for a second I smile genuinely as her hand finds my nose, I take her chubby hand and kiss it. But the sadness and anger quickly seep back in, even as Stevie gently rubs circles on my lower back. I stand up abruptly "I'm going to get some air" she looks like she's about to stand and I stop her kissing her temple "I'll be right back".

I walk out front to the tree in our front yard where Sandra executed my guitar almost two years ago. Shedding my jacket I hang it over an outstretched limb and sit in the grass underneath, a joint between my lips. I hear leaves rustle and I turn, Greg. Under any other circumstances, I'd freak out if my big brother caught me smoking pot, right now I don't care. To my surprise, he sits next to me and takes the joint from me, puffing expertly. My eyebrow raises "I'm in college Linds" good enough explanation for me. Footfalls on the other side of me draw my attention. It's Jeff. He sits next to me and just like Greg takes a drag, he coughs a little. No doubt his expertly conditioned lungs no used to smoking. His eyes close and he lets out a sigh "No wonder you smoke that shit". I shrug "I've given it up mostly Stevie doesn't want Sara around the smoke" I usually only indulge in the studio or after shows.

The three of us pass my joint around, none of us talking. The three Buckingham boys getting high in their front yard in broad daylight. I don't know who first suggests it but we end up drinking a six pack in the garage, followed by some whiskey. We start telling stories, crying laughing, getting angry. We've been in here for about an hour and I'm sure our absence hasn't gone unnoticed or unremarked upon. The garage door creaks open, it's Chris. He joins us but only drinks a little. Jeff and he drunkenly comparing who's biceps are bigger.

The next time I see my wife and baby I'm stoned and very drunk. She can tell right away and her eyes hold mine; sympathy love and understanding all mirrored back at me. Her love is unconditional, I don't deserve it. "Lindsey?" my mom is in the sitting room in her chair, I walk to her kneeling down "What is it mom?" she hugs me to her and I hug her back "I'll take care of you mom I promise" she kisses my cheek "You have a family to take care of, your father made sure I wouldn't want for anything in his will." I snuggle closer tears dripping on her neck "I'm still going to take care of you" she hugs me tighter "My baby, my little boy".

We decide to stay the night Sara sleeps between Stevie and I. My head hurts from the booze and pot so Stevie gets me two Tylenol. "Do you ever think about dying?" Stevie's busy stroking Sara's curls she looks up at me "Not every day, but sometimes I think about what would have happened if things had gone differently in that RV." I take her hand in mine "I don't want to lose you Steph" she squeezes my fingers "You won't baby. Both of us are going to get old and watch Sara grow up, and have a million grandkids" chuckling I kiss her palm. Sara kicks her feet in slumber restless in her dreams. Sometime long ago my mom and dad watched over me when I was her age, both of them certain they'd be around to see me grow up and have children of my own.

***

January 1971

"Come on Sara you can do it baby girl" Sara's chubby legs wobble as she pulls herself up right on the couch again. Stevie sits in the corner crocheting; a football game going quietly in the background. Right now I'm sitting behind Sara in case she falls. She's in the middle of what Stevie refers to as her "Baby workout" I'm playing the role of personal trainer. As far as the doctors can tell she's in excellent shape, and well above the curve in infant development, at only seven months old. She's got a head full of curly chocolate brown hair a healthy appetite and a fairly hardy constitution. She doesn't seem to be prone to illnesses which the doctor explained is rare in infants. And other than one earache she's been the picture of health.