chapter 4

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[X]] 

 Tris 

About an hour after all the others went to sleep I was still laying in bed wide awake. Somehow everything I worry about connects itself to each other, leaving my thoughts tangled together in knots. It started with worrying about my parents. Actually, worrying isn't the right word. Stressing. See, I miss my mom. I miss her so much and want her to come home. But if she comes home that means my dad comes home too. The father-daughter bond between us snapped one day when I was 11. I never knew what exactly happened to him, all I know is that I became his stress reliever. I've gone through my teenage years with my own father killing my self esteem. 

 Of course I was thinking about Al too. Catching him sleeping with someone else, that hurts. He was always okay with waiting, but I guess I just wasn't worth the wait anymore. It would be easier to get over if I knew that someone else would wait for me. But why would they? 

 Rolling over to the edge of my bed, I pull open the top drawer of my night stand. I stare at the contents. Then close the drawer. Open it again. Close it. Then I let out a gasp of frustration and get out of bed to walk around. That only leads to me pacing, so I wander down the stairs for a glass of water. 

I push the kitchen door open but I did not expect to see someone else in there.

 With a sharp intake of breath, I say, " Oh my god, Four! You almost gave me a heart attack." "Sorry, I just couldn't sleep." 

 "Me either." I say quietly, running my hand through me hair. I suddenly felt uncomfortable standing in my tank top and pajama shorts. He had seen me in less during truth or dare games, but all of a sudden this felt different. 

 Well, Old habits die hard, but old feelings die harder. Or something along those lines.

"Are you okay?" He looked at me quizzically. " You looked stressed."

 I snorted sarcastically."Thats about the understatement of the century." I crossed the Kitchen and he followed leaning on the counter beside me. I reached up to get a glass from the cabinet."Yeah I guess it is." He responded.

 Arm still suspended midair I followed his gaze to the lower half of my arm. More specifically to the scars on my arm. I dropped the cup. 

 "Shit" I whisper-yelled, not wanting to wake anyone else, and rushing to collect all the shards of glass. 

"Ah,hell." I say as I knick my finger on a sharp piece. A drop of blood falls onto the glass. I start pushing it together faster. 

 "Tris. Tris." I ignore him until he kneels down next to me and grabs my hands. I look up at him, tears pricking my eyes. I will not cry. 

 "Lets go get coffee."I look at him like he has 3 heads. That was the last thing I expected him to say. I was ready for the pitying looks, and stuttered apologies-as if he had something to be sorry for. That how everyone else that knew reacted. 

 "What? Its 3:00 in the morning!" 

 "So? Come on, we live in Chicago. There's like three 24-hour diners within spitting distance." He may be exaggerating a little, but he's basically right. Just a short drive into The Loop, and we would find one easy enough. 

 And that's how I ended up in a diner called The Golden Nugget at 3:30 in the morning.

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 I pour creamer into the dark coffee and watch it spread around, turning the drink a nice brown color. I took a long drink, then broke the silence. 

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