Got To Be Good-looking ('cause he's so hard to see)

~5~

Clare/ Guitar Girl

Business class my foot, I should have kept my money and flown coach or cattle class should I call it.

 A total of nine sat waiting for drinks, nibbles and hot towels as ONE was served by three perfectly pretty stewardesses.

That Cap wearing weird beardo guy had them falling all over themselves throwing boobs in his face, offering nibbles (of themselves so it seems) and making sure his shirt was smoothed on his shoulder.

I stood up, this is outrageous! I'm all for pandering and petting but not on a plane, at the zoo is more suited to that sort of stroking.

"Excuse me" I stood, I was pretty short so maybe they hadn't seen me, I'll give them a chance.

Nothing.

"Ahmmmm" I coughed and Cap weirdo beardo guy looked up at me standing three rows in front of him, he smirked and looked at the pandering, then back at me.

Cut the crap, I need a drink.

I stepped into the aisle, Cap guy seemed curious so I let him watch. The busy flight attendants noticed nothing.

Two tubs, about forty miniature bottles of scotch and vodka would suffice, all stealthily nicked from the beverage trolley. I threw about 10 on my seat then toured business class proffering the liquor, most thought it a joke and took three each. One or two tut-tutted me, and one propositioned me...

I declined after a titillating conversation about the toilet compartment and it's many varied uses. I fell back in my seat.

This obviously is going to be a god-awful trip so why not sleep the whole way. Sinking four minis in quick succession, then ducking to the 'multiuse' toilet I fell back happily once again in my seat, content in the knowledge of having many more tiny miniature moments of happiness the bottles held.

Shit crap shit.

I spun around in my seat and bent over glancing underneath looking for my little bottles of happiness only to find cap weirdo guy staring instead....

Holding up my tub of beverage freedom.

Arsehole.

I glared, fell back in my seat and kicked the one in front earning a good-looking lawyer type to turn and stare daggers, then I shuffled back up on my knees to look behind me at the thief.

Between him and I lay no-mans or woman's land, empty seats, if I could grasp a blanket I may be able to kill him quietly then wrap him up to be hidden under the seats.

He had the hide to quickly sway a few bottles of my happiness over the seat, teasing me with my own property.

"Give them back and you live, cappy" I murmured so not to frighten the natives busy pouring coffee for proposition guy in row 4B.

"Did you call me crappy"

"No cappy, your hat- your nickname, shit that's beside the point. Hand over the liquor and you won't get hurt" I smiled and he looked at my mouth like it was an invitation to tea.

Now I don't mind tea or inviting people round but this guy was a thief and I won't invite him for tea- ever.

"I don't think you could hurt me, my army of flight attendants would over throw you." He tossed me a bottle and I sank it quickly, watching him watch me.

He wasn't bad or good looking from what I could see but that beard was gross, I bet it was scratchy and totally full of crumbs from his toast three weeks ago- ugh.

He tossed another and I felt like a seal at San Deigo aquarium. I dropped it but before I untangle off the seat and could crawl on the floor he spoke.

"Truce" Cappy uttered looking around at the now mostly sleeping forms close by "One seat forward each and I'll hand over the loot"

I made to move forward one seat, not toward him though, instead I made toward the front of the plane, just to see what he did.

"This way.... forward from your seal like position on the seat, luv"

"I'm not your 'luv' Cappy so kept your trap shut with flirtatious overtures" I took the next seat while he took his, now we were an arm's length away.

"Oh luv, don't flatter yourself, I wasn't offering anything other than the booze" Cappy began to smile sweetly from behind his gross beard but it was overcome with a sneer toward the end. He launched two bottles, which hit me in the chest and I resettled into the seat, then decided to lay down, it was more advantageous to sleep that way.

Cappy thought similar, after hitting me in the nose with another round, he followed suit and we spied and sneered at each other intermittently through the gap beside row 4 and 5, window seat D to F.