Got To Be Good-looking ('cause he's so hard to see)

~1~

Clare

"I can't do it anymore, Cass" I leaned over and stubbed out the cigarette watching the smoke drift over the balcony toward the sea. Such a glorious day but it felt dead, to me.

"Look, come over here and sit it out for a bit, see if you can get your mojo back so to speak" Cass's voice crackled down the line, Mayfair, London calling, over giant seas, beyond my reach, a flicker of romance to a Californian native for most 99% of my life, really? London? – concrete, terraces, super narrow streets, people.

"Ugh. No Cass, I hate the city. Sorry"

"I'll ring off make a few calls see if I can find you, your nirvana" Cass was smiling down the phone line recalling no doubt my whimsical love of romance and scenic locations for my youth. Now I only wanted for another cigarette and a blanket over my head not at the same time but one for the shake in my fingers and the other to blot the reason for the shake out.

How did I get here just over 30 and feeling like death, feeling like I couldn't give a rats about my one true love- words, feeling like I should just close the dictionary, and toss it in the trash along with the thesaurus. Feeling like a piece of worthless meat in the grinder that is life.

"Ok, I'll give you five hours then, if I don't hear from you, I'll book Timbuctoo!" I laughed but deflated the balloon of mirth quickly "One way"

"Oh come on a day at least, always deadlines, you are" Cass grumbled but I knew she had me, I ran on deadlines for so long but now, now they are all but flat. She pressed on "Peace and Love sister, loosen up"

"It's just ticked over into '73 and your pulling the peace and love card!?" I scratched my arms waiting, that tingly feeling spreading like wildfire again, I wanted, no needed a joint but I vowed to the heavens I would not succumb.

"There is no time limit on peace or love baby sister" She giggled knowing full well we were only a little over a year apart in age, our mother, bless her, thought siblings born so close would be bound with love, she was right.