Eloise - the secret behind the mask

Chapter 5

I did not want to return home early, so I stayed in the park until late.
     Caroline's cold, distant face filled my thoughts.
     Had I said something wrong?
     Around six the park sstarted to empty itself. People put leads back on their dogs, ready to return home, mothers called loudly to their children who were still intent on playing on the swing. Or running over the grass.
     I observed this scene as if I were at the cinema, one of those open air cinemas where you feel as if you are part of the film because you are not shut away in a room full of the smell of pop corn and peanuts.  You' are in the open, you are in touch with nature, you are exactly where the actors find themselves, so you can easily immerse yourself in their roles.  You are no longer a spectator of the film, but you are a part of it.
     I watched with my heart full of hope for those happy children.  I had been like that once, and I asked myself if I might have children one day, maybe two or three.  Perhaps I could adopt?
     When the park was practically deserted I approached the swing timidly, and I sat on it and I breathed in those sensations full of memories.
     I started to to rock the swing backwards and forwards, slowly and then with ever increasing speed, " Mummy, push me higher!"
     I never used to push myself very high.  I was always afraid of the swings, with their creaking, rusty chains.
     " Yes, darling! Look, you can touch the sky!" And I felt that I could really touch it.
     I laughed like a crazy person. I was enjoying myself. I felt happiness invade my heart.

     I kept my eyes half shut because the wind made my eyes water, but it was all wonderful.
     I felt as if I was flying higher than the birds, while with my legs I gave another push and I pointed my toes as much as possible so that I could touch the clouds.
     I did not have the courage to let go of one of the swing chains to try and touch the sky with one of my fingers.
     I was incredibly free, but I did not realise it.
     I was wearing my little white skirt with pleats that rose up in the wind, while my child's laugh echoed around the little childre's playground below our house.
     Then a detail from that memory entered my mind, clearer than ever:  it was the symbol.
     Even as a child I had seen it.
     It was there inscribed into the earth under the swing.
     I showed my mother and she anxiously picked me up in her arms and took me away without any explanation.
      I slowed down on the swing, and realised that I had had my eyes closed while swinging.
     I came back to reality and looked at my watch, it was past six o'clock so I decided to go somewhere else.
     I left that magical place and walked back to the pavement.
     The road was a continuos stream of cars all heading for home, all in the same hurry.
     I look around, first left and then right, as my mother used to tell me to do. And then in all those cars I noticed one immeditaely:  it was a matt black, low sports car.  The four circles of its trade mark  stood out against the colour of the body work.
     My heart started thumping in my chest and I noticed my hands were sweating.
     My throat was dry and I suddenly felt hopeful.

     The car passed in front of me, while I tried in vain to look at the man in the vehicle, and for a moment it seemed to me that he had slowed down just as he went by my stationary figure.  
     For a fraction of a second I hoped that he might stop. I felt myself hope this with all my being. I would have liked to have uttered a request to the heavens, but my eyes were fixed on the vehicle hoping to see it stop.
     He did not though, in fact he may not even have slowed down as I thought he had done.
     A red Panda stopped to let me cross the road, I thanked the driver with a slow wave of my hand, and feeling sadder than ever I reached the opposite side of the road.
     I paid a visit to my favourite pet shop.
     The shop assistant knew me well and gave me a friendly smile, "Hello, El, how are you?" I gave her a brief smile, "Well, thank you" I lied.
     "Come, let me show you something."
     We went pass all the shelves with the various types of fish food into the back of the shop.
     I followed her through the storeroom and then into what from the outside looked like a broom cupboard.
     The assistant opened the door with a little key and from the way she pulled at it the door seemed rather heavy.
     She indicated that I should enter, and so with a certain amount of trepidation I did.
     Where was she taking me?
     The room was not a broom cupboard.   It was small but well lit.  A little window high up looked out onto a big tree which grew just outside.
     It ws well looked after, clean and it had a green hue.
     I looked around and leaned up against the opposite wall was a little bed, and it was this the assistant wanted to show me.

     I approached and saw a wonderful scene:  a beautiful tiny rabbit was feeding her young.
     The gorgeous creature was completely black, with the exception of a white patch on her nose.    She seemed small and vulnerable, but from her distrustful gaze it was obvious she would attack anyone who approached her little ones.
     The kittens were black and white and were only just moving their ears back and forth.
     "You can stay with them, in the meantime I have to go back into the shop until closing time. See you later."
     "Thank you so much," I replied full of joy, "see you later."
     She disappeared through the door behind me that lead into the open storeroom.
     I went back to observe the little rabbits and I noticed that the mother rabbit was frantically sniffing the air, and almost afraid she moved  away from the kittens who slept peacefully side by side.
     I was disturbed by this for a second, however, then I remembered what my mother had taught me as a child, "Rabbits are very odd," she had said, " they don't stay with their young that much. They feed them and then they go off as far away as possible."
     I had watched  my mother surprised, and with an innocent tone I had asked, "Why? Doesn't the mother rabbit love her young?" she had smiled and said, "Of course she loves her little ones, they're her reason to live, just like you are for me. Just for this reason, she keeps her distance from them. It's to protect them."
     " But when you protect me, you stay close to me and give me your hand.  Like when we cross the road and you tell me that cars are dangerous." I had laughed.
      "Yes, but for them it's different. There are bigger animals which hunt rabbits, so the mother leaves the rabbit hole so that the predator will attack her rather than her kittens.  She does it to keep the predators away from them.

     Still a little uncertain I had answered, "Ah, I understand," even if in reality I had not really understood the concept of bigger animals attacking smaller ones.
     I watched the little rabbit leap about from one side of the room to another behind me, and my attention was drawn again to the kittens which were sleeping happily, when suddenly I heard a noise coming from the storeroom.  I did not need to turn round to look, because from the metal shelf in front of me I could see a man staring at me.
     I spun round quickly and I saw him run away.
     I threw myself into the chase, closing the door to the little room behind me.  I wanted to know who he was.
     I dodged the boxes and bits and pieces scattered around the floor, however, the man was already a fair distance away from me.
     I saw him go behind a big piece of furniture, and I heard a door slam. I knew at that point that he had got into a car.  I ran faster and as soon as I got past the furniture I could not believe my eyes.
     The black Audi was speeding off away from the shop, leaving me confused again with my heart beating like crazy, partially due to the chase, and partially because of the knowledge that the man who had been so near to me was the mysterious and cryptic, Lukas.
     Who was that man? What had he done to me? What did he want from me?  Maybe his name was not even Lukas, maybe that was an invented name he had thought of to hide his true identity.
     Furthermore, a man who hides behind a balaclava probably indicates someone who does not want people to know who he is.
     Confused and somewhat afraid I went back.
     I did not re-enter the little room, but I went straight into the shop. It was now almost closing time.
     When the assistant saw me re-enter the shop she looked at me a bit puzzled.  "Is everything

okay?"
     I did not answer and I immediately left the shop, taking once again the road that led to McDonald's.
     For the rest of the way I continuously turned around.  I do not know why exactly. Maybe it was because I thought I was being followed, or more simply because I hoped I wa being followed by the man in the mask.
     Despite my careful attention, I did not even see the shadow of that car which I now knew so well.
     Disappointed and pensive I arrived at my destination and I ordered the usual things:  a happy meal with a cheeseburger and Coca Cola, and I would often add an extra large portion of French fries.
     I did not eat there, instead I walked a bit and found a free bench which was just what I needed:   It looked out onto the road. From there I could observe in peace all of the cars which went by.
     I felt scarily alone, and it was strange to feel so alone in that moment.  After all I was always alone and a part of me deluded myself that I had got used to the situation, while another part of me cried out for help.
     I decided to return home only when the sun had been completely hidden from my view.