Wajah Tum Ho

3.Life At Her Side

"It's breaking my heart to watch you run around, 'Cause I know that you're living a lie. That's okay baby, 'cause in time you will find what goes around, goes around, goes around, comes all the way back around."
~What goes around, comes around
~Justin Timberlake

Manik Malhotra.... The most beautiful mistake of my life.

Meri zindagi ki sabse khoobsurab khata. Ek pal use bhulana chahti hoon aur dusre pal uske saath bitaayi shaame phir se jeena chahti hoon. Ek pal uske diye saare zakhm ubhar aate hain aur dusre pal uski muskaan unn zakhmo par marham laga deti hai. Ab bas yahi dard baaki reh gaya aur uski yaad mere ashk ban beh jaati hai...

Itna toh pata hai ki usse dubara Mohabbat nahi ho sakti kyuki na Woh ab Woh raha na hum, hum rahe. Kuch pehle jaise naa raha. Par dard aur aakrosh wahin reh Gaye.... Usse dubara ishq karne ki himmat ab naa rahi. Usse dubara pyaar karna ab humari Hasrat naa rahi. Kyu? Pata nahi... Shayad ab Woh baat naa rahi humme. Shayad woh aag naa rahi humme. Shayad koi aur hai jiske intezaar mei palkein bichakar baithe hain hum....

And here goes my once again failed attempt of writing something intense. They say, the ones who feel too deep are often unable to express it, neither in words nor in talks. This is exactly my problem. I could never express myself because I've changed. Changed in every sense after Mumma left me. She left me in broken pieces. Nothing hurts me more than her absense. She was my life, she still is. No-one could replace her ever. She's special and will always be special.

I could never be that expressive Nandini that I was before and hence I started sharing everything with you. I know you would never judge me. You would never judge me that I don't write well. You would never judge me that I make futile attempts and you would never judge me with my secrets. You would never feel disgusted with me for betraying my love. You would never say that I'm cheating the word love by loving my husband.. Advik Kapoor.

The name which excites the girls and terrorizes the boys. Every girl wants to get in his pants and every​ guy desires to be like him but he, he doesn't care about anyone. He is what he likes himself as. He is just like Manik, a more expressive form of him though. He is intense at everything, be it anger or love. I love him, I do because he is my strength. He gave me the courage to fight this world and stand for myself. He was with me when I was down and out. He gave me love when I needed it the most and that's when I realised that I can love him, not just because of my promise to Mumma but genuinely love him with all that I'm left with. But guess it's too late. He thinks I'm with him for probably two reasons. One that I don't have anywhere to go and two that I want to fulfill my promise made to Mumma. I do love him, with all my broken pieces and he knows that too but where there is insecurity, there couldn't be love. He rarely shows me his softer side now. In office, we're two professionals who want perfection in our work, in front of our family and world, we are a happy couple who are in love with each other, which we are but happy? I doubt that and we are strangers in our room, where either we fight or cry, that's it. That's who we are. But I still love him and he loves me too. I know. I can feel it...

*Knock knock*

I heard someone knocking on the door so I closed the diary and went to open the door only to find a butler standing there.

Butler: Good morning ma'am.

I nodded at him and gestured him to speak further.

Butler: Ma'am, Mrs. Kapoor wants to see you down at the breakfast table.

I nodded at him and locking the door of the room I followed him downstairs. Advik is an introvert, just like me. He likes to stay within himself and that's why he stays private about everything. Hence, it's an unsaid rule-Lock the room if not inside. I reached the dining area only to find my family sitting and chatting lightly. I love them a lot. When I first came here, I thought they won't accept me easily, they won't love me like their own and I'd have a hard time mingling with them but I was wrong, so damn wrong. Maa-papa love me just like Advik, bhaiya and Nia. I can literally share anything and everything with them. Bhaiya has become​ my friend, the one who shares everything with me and vice versa and as of Nia, she's that one person, I become something that I was and something that I wasn't. With her I see the old Nandini in myself and also a caring and responsible one which I never was. And when it comes to Advik, well he brings out the best in me, needless to say. I approached them and took a seat beside Nia.