IMPORTANT NOTICE: THE NEXT CHAPTER WILL BE THE LAST CHAPTER OF TGO1D
The whispers, the glares and mean looks didn’t just end in public. Zayn has all the girls and my mum and dad- my brother couldn’t leave work- watching over me at all times. He says it’s for my own safety, but I think he’s terrified of me. The day I reentered this flat after many weeks, I felt fine. It was wonderful to be back!
By the time I was alone in the bathroom, the guilt hit me. I can use the restroom alone now- but I didn’t know whether the others could or not. I glared at myself in the mirror and started screaming horrid things at my reflection before I threw a shampoo bottle at the glass.
I walk around my flat like a zombie while everyone whispers about me; I send myself dirty looks in the mirror and then cry myself to sleep in a room I lock. The only one who understands me is Eleanor and I don’t want her to know how bad the gist of my depression is.
The worst part is that I never told Zayn about the rape. I know he will flip a lid if he found out. But as I glance at my midsection, I have a feeling that something had occurred.
I shocked myself when I marched out of my locked room this morning and asked Jade for the car keys.
“Perrie, I can’t give them to you,” She stated. I glance around the room swiftly and check to make sure nobody’s eavesdropping.
“Jade, I was raped,” I hissed quietly and she gasped loudly, causing Jesy to flit over to us.
“What happened?” She questioned, glancing at me nervously. That adds to the point of why I think people are scared of me.
“Perrie was…” Jade started.
“Jade, stop! No!” I yell, but her voice drops to a whisper as she says:
“…Raped.”
I turn away and quickly rush back to my room; that word defiled me. I didn’t want everyone to know what had happened because they would begin to define me as, “Perrie Edwards, the celebrity who was raped.”
I want to live my life being me, not being a label.
“Perrie, let us in!” Leigh-Anne crowed, knocking softly on the door. I ignore her and head to the almost mirror less bathroom and close the door softly behind me.
In the little slithers of glass that remained, I saw my sallow reflection and my depressed blue eyes lined with the purple from sleepless nights. Everything about me screamed, “Depressed” and “suffered” but I don’t want to be labeled!
I want to be Perrie Edwards- her only label was “Zayn Malik’s fiancée”. I leaned in closer to view myself in the shards as I thought about the old me.
I don’t even have a ring to tie me with Zayn anymore. He can up and leave- and I’m shocked that he hasn’t. I’ve been emotionally unstable since I’ve been back.
“Perrie Louise Edwards, please open up!”
I carefully pull a sharp shard of glass off the wall- it’ll only hurt for a second. I try scanning my mind to remember how they couldn’t stitch cuts.
Horizontal for attention.
Vertical for results.
I’ve never wanted results more in my life. I’m tired of the pain, the suffering, the guilt and the attention. Everyone’s tired of me anyways, nobody would care about little miss Edwards once she left.
Except they would, A little voice whispered in my mind. Zayn wouldn’t heal after that, your mum would be devastated and not to mention the girls….
“Shut up, I want to do this,” I murmur.
Do you really? You have so much to live for.
“Shut up!”
Didn’t you want pretty babies, Derrick and Noella? What about Elle and Lou’s wedding?
“Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! I’m doing this no matter what!” I shrieked.
You coward. Here you are trying to take the easy way out while Jordyn, Carlie and Liz are sitting in captivity. You’re pushing your best friends, family and love away. You are selfish. You don’t deserve to be here. You’re a disgrace.
I felt the glass graze my palm as it fell to the floor. Tears of shame and self-pity filled my eyes and blurred my vision as I stumbled out of the bathroom. I open the bedroom door in a trance and feel multiple arms wrap around me as I break down.
I need help, I really, really do.
A/N:
I’m sorry for the wait- I’ve been busy with school! I hope you enjoy this chapter, sorry that it is kind of dark. It is 4 pages on word so hopefully it’s not short on here!
~
Lex
