Five missed calls and over ten texts from Louis and Louis only. I felt bad, Louis gave me the world and here I am just sitting on the couch staring blankly at my phone.
His laptop rests in my lap-he insisted we shared a laptop because mine was being customized as a gift from my cousin, Emily
Standing proudly on the screen was a conversation between Louis and a girl name Amelia. I didn’t snoop through his computer, I simply clicked on my email and ten words shone from the long paragraphs.
What we were when Elle was gone is nothing now.
“What we were”? What does that mean? I swallow hard, and try to soothe the growing lump in my throat as my phone rings once again, Louis’ smiling face beaming on my screen.
I slide my finger on the screen to answer.
“Elle, babe are you ok? You haven’t returned my texts!” Louis croaked and I feel my lip start to shake. Gathering my courage and glancing at the screen again, I croak out hoarsely, “Who is she?”
“Who is who, Elle? What are you going on about?”
“Who is Amelia,” I hiss, tears building in my eyes. I blink them away with mascara-heavy lids and my suspicions are confirmed by Lou’s silence. After a few idle moments, Louis’ voice is gravely monotone, “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
That hurt. The one you love lying to you, that’s a slap in the face. I grow frustrated, trying to keep my tone even as I sarcastically crow, “ “Amelia, you need to stop this. We aren’t together and I can’t keep lying to Eleanor. You were a fling, something I used when I was bored, I’m sorry to say that.
“ “You are a wonderful girl, but I’m not in love with you. Everything we did was a mistake. What we were when Elle was gone means nothing now. Now please stop asking me when “we’re going to do it again”, because we’re not.
“ “We’re never going to do it again. My relationship with Elle means the world to me and I can’t ruin it. I’m sorry, Amelia. But go find someone who’s better for you then me. XX- Lou”.”
I stopped blinking back tears and let them fall freely. Louis claims many times how important I am to him in this email, yet the ending line basically screamed, “I love her and you”!
“Please explain that Lou,” I choke out. My cheeks were sticky with tears and my chest heaved from the silent deep breaths I was taking to calm myself.
I hear Lou exhale loudly and his voice drops to a strained whisper, “I can’t.”
“You can’t or you won’t?” I whimper, the feeling of dread building in my stomach. The words had climbed up my throat like bile a nauseous feeling swimming through my body.
“I don’t know what to say Elle,” Louis whispered again. Before I could stop myself, I blurt out in a watery cry, “Tell me what you did!”
“Eleanor, don’t do this to yourself!” Louis cries back, his voice shaking.
“Tell. Me. Now.” I whimper. There’s a part of me that’s praying, “It was only a kiss! It was only a kiss!”
“I can’t say it now,” was all Louis said, causing my heart to drop and that praying part of me to silence.
++++++++++++
I had sat for probably hours in the same position, his email to “Amelia” taunting me, telling me that whoever she was will always be better than me.
