Trigger warning: Panic Attack
Evan's POV:
I felt my eyes widen and my breathing started to speed up. He didn't mean that, right? "W-What-" I stuttered out quietly. Connor rose out of his seat and grabbed his stuff like he was getting ready to leave. He turned to me every so often and because I was still sitting down and he seemed to loom over me sort of menacingly.
"You thought you could waltz over here and give me a painfully fake apology and everything would be fine and dandy, didn't you! You left me alone in a hospital! I had actually thought someone- I mean you fucking disappeared without a single fucking word! First day I understood, you probably had shit to do, second day I actually started to worry, third day I asked Zoe about you and she said you were fine, fourth day I was in denial, and then on the fifth day I gave up." Connor said with a finality that broke my heart. He sounded genuinely hurt and tired and I did that.
"N-No Connor y-you don't u-u-understand-" I started. My breathing was getting even more quick and labored, my hands were clamming up, and tears pricked at the corners of my eyes. I knew what was happening. I took a few deep breaths and went to continue but Connor started speaking before I could.
"No Evan! You don't understand! You know I was genuinely worried that I did something wrong, then ha! It hit me," Connor had finally grabbed everything that was his and shoved his chair furiously back to its spot under the table. He turned to me and glared before continuing. It was odd, his anger, it was like a mask, a coat, it didn't mean it didn't scare me any less. "You were only my friend out of pity! Well guess what Hansen, we are not friends and I DON'T WANT OR NEED YOUR PITY. IF ANYTHING YOU WERE PROBABLY JUST TOYING WITH ME." Connor yelled at me, huffing at the end, seemingly out of breath.
Connor spun and his bag bumped against his hip, he also raked his fingers through his hair. He seemed even more stressed than before. "You-You were probably messing with me the whole fucking time if I'm being honest with myself."
I felt like I was sinking. I couldn't breathe. I never ment to make all of this such a mess. The only thing I actually felt, besides guilt, was a few tears that slipped down my face. Connor saw that and his anger seemed to turn into concern, but he was still guarded.
Connor hated me. It took me a while to process the information. Connor still had some anger written across his face. He wouldn't have if I hadn't been an idiot. I did this.
I stood up quickly and ended up knocking my chair down in the process making a loud clatter. I was shaking my head in a no gesture the whole time. That's when it hit me.
The cafeteria was silent.
I looked quickly to my right and left, everyone in the cafeteria was looking at me.
Too many eyes.
Too many people.
They all think you're a freak now.
"Evan?"
Connor took a step towards me.
Run.
And that's what I did.
I stumbled backward and tripped over my feet for a beat before running out of the cafeteria.
I felt dizzy and light headed as I ran, I bumped into lockers and tripped over my own feet trying to find a place to try to ride this attack out as I was too far from the councilors office. At some point while I was running I heard someone call my name. I couldn't pay attention to that though. Everything was too much.
